The Potts Family Adventure

My boys!

2011-09-07T10:33:00.000-05:00

I have been on a very long vacation from blogging. Oh how I have missed it!! I don't have a whole lot of time today but I just had to do a quick update on the kiddos. Alex turned ten in May and started the 5th grade this year. I can't believe how fast my baby boy is growing up!! He loves his baby brother so much even though he won't always admit it. Our little guy Ethan is already ten months old!! Wow can you believe it?? At his 9 month check up he weighed a whopping 24lbs. 11oz (which I know for sure has gotten bigger this past month) and was 27 inches long. He is kinda short and dumpy but there ain't nothing wrong with that!! We are truly blessed at how well he is doing. When I tell people that he was 7 weeks premature they really don't believe me! He has caught up in every aspect both physically and cognitively. He is crawling like a little mad man and pulling up on everything he can reach. He loves our dogs and cat more than words can say and of course his big brother is his hero. He eats more than any baby I have ever seen and just this week started asserting his independence by only eating if he can feed himself. I am working on posting alot of baby pictures but for now here are a couple of my favorites!!

Ethan Daniel 8 months

My boys!!

Hope everone has a blessed Wednesday!

He's Here!!

2010-11-11T00:46:00.000-06:00

Ethan Daniel made his grand appearance November 3rd, 2010 at 1:23 p.m. weighing 5 pounds 2 ounches and 16 inches long. Everything happened so fast! Our little man was 7 weeks early but is doing great. He has been in the NICU for a week now and there still is no set time frame on when he will be coming home. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time. We are so happy he is here but not having him home is so heartbreaking. I know that he is in the best place rite now getting the care that he needs. It's just not how I had it planned!!

Drum Roll Please....

2010-07-29T10:17:00.000-05:00

It's a BOY!!!!!! We had an ultrasound done Tuesday and the doctor is pretty certain (like 85-90%) that this little bundle of joy is a boy. He really wasn't wanting to cooperate though so we are having another ultrasound at my next appointment where they will recheck. However I am going with it's a boy! I can't tell you how thrilled we are to add another boy to our family! I will post more details about my appointment and of course ultrasound pics very soon! Things have just been crazy hectic around here...but that's no excuse :)

Have a blessed Thursday!

Ratatouille

2010-07-20T11:26:00.000-05:00

Meet Ratatouille

This little guy was dropped at my feet by my rescue dog Chewey this past Saturday. At first I freaked out. For one I thought my dog was killing something right in front of me. When I realized that wasn't happening my mind was going in circles just trying to figure out what the heck it was!! Three days ago there was ALOT less hair and it looked like I don't know what. Of course I started screaming for Steven. He comes running out (he may have even thought I was going into labor ) and when I point to the ground he looked back at me with this "Oh great" look. He knew without a doubt that I was going to ~~demand~~ ask politely that we keep it. I mean how in the world could we just leave this tiny little baby outside to just die??? I immediatlely called my dad. A few years ago he had saved a baby squirrel (interestingly enough his dog at the time dropped it at his feet. What are the odds?) and I wanted to get his opinion on what he might think it was...rat or squirrel? It's really hard to tell. I have discovered that most newborn rodents look alike. I am however leaning more towards a rat for various reasons. Ugh you may say...a rat? Yep. I felt the same way 3 days ago and now I just can't get enough of the little guy. It is absolutely amazing to watch him develop even though I am exhausted from the every 2 hour feedings. Good practice for the baby!! (I will do a much needed pregnancy update soon!)
So here you have it guys. Our newest member of the family Ratatouille!!

Isn't he tiny??

Precious!!

I'm still kickin!

2010-06-07T14:41:00.000-05:00

Long time no post! I'm finally starting to feel a little better and have more energy. I have been following everyone's blogs but as far as posting anything myself well as you can see I haven't been doing a good job of that. I just haven't felt up to it lately but i'm going to make more of an effort! I really want to document everything during this pregnancy!! So what's new you ask? Well i'm 12 weeks...can you believe it?? Yep I think this coming Saturday I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. They say at 13 weeks your chance of miscarriage goes down dramatically. Yippee!!!! As far as the symptoms i'm having thus far:

I still throw up on occassion but not as bad. It's usually after I eat something greasy
If I wait too long to eat (i'm talking even a few minutes can make a difference) I become very dizzy.
We are moving so I have had swollen feet already
Ligament pain
Mood swings that are out of control! Poor hubby
As far as food cravings - I love fruit and yogurt. I also could eat mexican food for every meal!

Oh and we had an ultrasound done at 9 weeks!! I can't tell you how amazing it was to hear that little heartbeat for the first time!! We were so excited we got to hear it..neither of us were expecting to get to since it was so early. I had to lay very still and hold my breath but we heard it and were able to see it on the screen as well. I will try to update more often and post some pics soon!
Have a great week!!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-07T09:05:00.000-05:00

For all of your prayers for the Smith family. Gavin's MRI scan came back CLEAR yesterday!!! Thank God!!!!! I can't tell you how happy this wonderful news makes me and how it really makes me realize the power of prayer. God is so good guys....like I needed to tell you that though. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
By the way I really need to do a pregnancy update! I just haven't been feeling up to writing much. Morning sickness or shall we say ALL DAY sickness has kicked in full force. I will be 8 weeks this coming Saturday May 8, 2010. Can you believe it??? Only 4 more weeks to go till I i'm out of my first trimester! Wow!! Keep us in your prayers!

Please Pray for the Smith Family

2010-05-05T12:56:00.000-05:00

Please lift the Smith family up in prayer. Their son Gavin has been experiencing several symptoms that leads them to believe it is possible that his cancer has returned. This sweet family has been through so much the past couple of years that it just breaks my heart to even write this. He goes in to have an MRI Thursday May 6, 2010. Please pray for them as they face this head on. Feel free to post this on your own blog and/or tell as many people as you can about him and ask them to pray as well. Thank you!! Have a great Wednesday!

Sibling Rivalry...the dog version

2010-04-27T09:55:00.000-05:00

We have a new addition to our growing family....a puppy. I am a bleeding heart animal lover and when it comes to abandoned animals I just can't turn the other way. We went to my in laws on Sunday and there she was just looking all cute and puppy like. Someone had dumped her the day before and I knew that if we didn't take her home that she wouldn't make it...all puppies either wander off and get lost or get ran over out there. My in laws live in the country and it's just not puppy friendly. Good news is that I have already found her a great home when she gets a little older and bigger. We just can't keep her as much as we or should I say Alex and I want too. For one we already have three dogs and adding one more plus a baby is too much. Secondly she is going to be a pretty big dog. We just don't have the room for a big dog in our small house. I am happy to say that I am giving her to a dear friend of mine with a huge yard and we will get to see her pretty much anytime we would like!! So anyway like I said we already have three dogs. Peetie the seven-eight year old Jack Russell Chihuahua mix. Lucky who is a five year old full bred Jack Russell Terrier (our first dog) and of course Hammie the two year old full bred Dachshund who is my baby. Hammie is the most free spirited, humorous, loving, and goofy dog I have ever owned. He is definitely a momma's boy and up until this point has been the "baby" of the family. He has been around plenty of other animals. We at one point had a cat who he absolutely adored. We have dogsat our neighbors two dogs on numerous occassions and he has been fine. Oh and i'm sure if memory serves me right that over the past two years that I have brought in one or two stray animals in need of rescuing. Peetie tends to be our grump and we were worried that he would oh I don't know eat the puppy but as it turns out Peetie could care less. Nope it's not Peetie that is the cause of concern. It's Hammie who this morning actually got mad enough and snipped that the puppy. Hammie is MAD. At first everything was cool and he seemed his usual loving free spirited self. Then reality sunk in and he realized that this little thing was getting way more attention than he was and as it so happens he doesn't like that very much. Not only is he mad at the puppy he's mad at me too. You should see the dirty dog looks i'm getting. He wants nothing to do with the sweet little puppy's advances to play or snuggle. I'm hoping that this doesn't last and that in a few days Hammie will adjust. Hopefully he will realize that he hasn't been replaced and that he still has his place in our family. All of this got me to thinking about Alex. I really think that he is going to have the same reaction to his baby brother or sister minus the getting mad and snapping at the baby of course. Rite now it's all fun and exciting but when the baby actually gets here I think Alex is going to have a really hard time. He has been the only child and grandchild for 9 years. I have no idea how to prepare him for what lays ahead. I guess I need to start doing some research!! Do you guys have any suggestions?
Happy Tuesday!!

Eating for Two

2010-04-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

Last night I had to run to Walgreens to get a few things like trash bags and bottled water. I waited until after Alex was in bed so I could spend as much time as possible with my little guy. By the time I headed out I was starving...I knew I should have grabbed a snack before I left the house but I was in a hurry. Shopping while hungry and pregnant is NOT a good combination. Anyway just across the way from Walgreens there is a Subway. I love Subway and decided I would take a small detour and grab myself something to eat. I also decided that it was going to be my little secret. If I had called the boys at home to see what they wanted not only would it have taken forever to get MY sandwich it would have cost $20 instead of $3.80. So not only was I saving time I was saving money...or at least that was my justification. It's not like we didn't have food at home for them to eat. I was just going to starve if I didn't eat right then!! (Justification number 2). So I go into Subway and decide upon having a 6" meatball sub. Maybe not the most healthy thing in the world to eat at 9 at night but oh was it ever good! The guy who worked there was super nice. He looked at me and said with this huge smile on his face "I added a few extra meatballs (Free of charge) on there for you because you are eating for two." I must of had a weird maybe stunned look on my face because his eyes got huge. Like the oh crap she really isn't pregnant and I have just insulted a customer look. He then says "You are eating for two right?!" I couldn't help but laugh and smile the biggest smile ever!! I told him yes and thank you very much for the extra meat balls. Then our conversation went on from there discussing due dates and the how hot and miserable I was going to be this summer. He was a super nice guy! What was even cooler is that someone actually could tell I was pregnant!!! I couldn't believe it guys! When I was pregnant with Alex no one could tell until I was at least 14-16 weeks and even then my bump was small. I know that it isn't baby that is showing yet but it's still super uber cool! I just hope it's normal...I worry about that alot. Is this or that normal. Am I ok? Is the baby ok? I am sure that I am driving Steven crazy. Anyway I got so busted on my subway trip because of course I had to tell my hubby that someone actually knew I was preggo!
Happy Wednesday!! It's almost the weekend!!

5 weeks!

2010-04-20T13:35:00.000-05:00

As of Saturday April 17, 2010 I am five weeks pregnant. According to all of the great online pregnancy websites this is what is happening to Baby B this week: During the early part of this pregnancy at 5 weeks the central nervous system, muscles, bones and even the heart will begin to form. Early skeletal development is also possible at or around pregnancy week 5. During the early part of this pregnancy at 5 weeks the central nervous system, muscles, bones and even the heart will begin to form. Early skeletal development is also possible at or around pregnancy week 5. Wow! Lots of things are happening this week. We have such a long way to go before I hit my second trimester. Trust me I am counting down the weeks!! I can't wait to hit that milestone. I am feeling pretty good for the most part. I am still extremely tired and my breast are still sore. I have grown quite a bit in both my chest and stomach area. My mom was gracious enough to take me bra shopping Sunday....let's just say I have gone up TWO cup sizes! Yikes! My pants are really tight and in my opinion I am huge for only being 5 weeks. Everyone has told me that you get big alot quicker your second pregnancy but come on! By the evening I am so tired and nauseus that all I want to do is go to bed. Another symptom that I am having that I no I did NOT have while I was pregnant with Alex is I am so thirsty all of the time. I can't seem to get enough to drink. I am drinking nothing but water and juice now and my thirst is never quenched no matter how much I drink. I hope this is normal. I am just loving all of these symptoms even though they may not be pleasant.

Ok so I will end with my five week tummy picture. I never thought I would have a tummy at five weeks to actually take a picture of!

5 weeks

(Don't mind the toilet in the background....didn't realize how noticeable it was!)

Happy Tuesday!!

Stressed

2010-04-15T10:57:00.000-05:00

I am trying not to stress out at the moment. I no it isn't good for me to worry and that I just need to relax BUT it's really hard. I am so worried right now about insurance. We have none. My job doesn't offer it and my husband's previous job didn't either (he was laid off in November) so we have just been paying out of pocket to go to the doctor. I guess I assumed that when and if I did get pregnant that we would have this issue figured out by now but we don't. Here's the kicker....even with my husband being unemployed we still make $200 a month too much to qualify for Sooner Care, which is our states Medicaid program. Even if I were to take out a policy today I don't think my pregnancy would be covered because of that wonderful thing called a Pre Existing Condition. How in the heck is pregnancy pre existing? I hate insurance companies. I hate them with a passion. My ex-husband suffered from Epilepsy so I have alot of experience dealing with them NOT covering stuff due to "pre-existing". It was the most frustrating thing I have had to deal with when it comes to medical stuff. Anyway I know that I have a few weeks until it is really imperitive that I go to my first prenatal visit. My husbands unemployement is up in four weeks...yep we are really going to be hurting then. Jobs are scarce around here and we are even considering a move. However when he doesn't have that money coming in anymore I will qualify I think. He maybe eligible for an extension if the Bill goes thru so i'm really unclear if we will be required to take that money. We can't just simply quit getting the unemployement rite now just so we can get Sooner Care. Ugh!!! I want the best for this baby and with my history I feel like the sooner I go to the doctor the better. So I guess i'm asking you guys to say a prayer! I know that God is listening and that He will take care of me and this baby.
Ok enough about that. Whew I feel better to get that off my chest! So I decided that i'm going to start documenting this pregnancy so I can look back a year from now and remember everything. I regret not doing that while I was pregnant with Alex. It's amazing how much you forget! So I went online and did a due date calculator and according to my last menstrual cycle the baby will be due roughly around December 18, 2010. Wow a Christmas baby! I am about five weeks and I already feel pregnant. I LOVE it! I have had a few waves of nausea but for the most part it hasn't kicked in full force yet. I was so very sick with Alex and it lasted about two months. I'm really hoping that I bypass that part but if not that's ok too. I am extremely tired and let me tell you my boobs are SORE!!!! I see bra shopping in my near future as well. So there is about seven weeks until I am in my second trimester. Those seven weeks can't go by quick enough! Do you guys realize just how many pregnancy websites there are? It's kinda overwhelming! Do you have any suggestions as to which one's are better? I have no idea. Anyway here are som fun due date facts I found yesterday.

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
Half Birthday: June 18
Birthstone: Turquoise
Birth Flower: Narcissus or Holly
He/she will be born in the Chinese Year of The White Metal Tiger
This time next year he/she will be 17 weeks old!
He/she will start kindergarten in 2016, be old enough to drive a car in 2026, finish high school in 2029 (I will be 52 when he/she graduates!) and graduate from college with the class of 2033 give or take a year.

Hope this post makes sense. I am kinda rambling!
Happy Thursday everyone!!

Guess What?!?!

2010-04-13T09:03:00.000-05:00

Yep you are seeing right....we are going to have a BABY!!! (God willing of course) Sorry about the picture quality. I tried so many times to get a good picture but I was using my cell phone (my regular camera is having a moment!) and it just wasn't coming out very good. So I took what I could get! To say that i'm surprised is an understatement. I mean yes we have been trying for two years with no success BUT this past month was very rocky in our marriage and honestly a baby was the last thing on my mind. We were both in shock when two lines appeared. I got a pretty little digital test too that said "pregnant" but of course when I took a picture of it you couldn't even make out the word! I am still very nervous about everything because I have had miscarriages but I am trying to just relax. I no He has a plan and it's out of my control. I just want to say thank you to all of you who have been praying for us!!! He listened and answered!!!

Have a great Tuesday!

In Honor of Maddie

2010-04-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

Around about a year ago today I started reading Heather's blog. I became so touched by her and her husband's story that I found myself spreading the story of their daughter Maddie who passed away one year ago today. I can't even begin to imagine the loss they have suffered. No parent should ever have to go through something like that ever. It has made me realize how precious life really is and how in one instant everything can change. It's amazing how complete and total strangers have changed my life and how one little angel has touched millions! So today I encourage everyone to visit the March of Dimes Friends of Maddie website and make a donation in her honor!

Happy Wednesday!

New hair!

2010-04-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

So Alex has been growing out his hair since last August. At first it wasn't intentional we just hadn't made it to get a hair cut. Then after it finally started getting a little length he decided that he really liked his hair a little longer and wanted to see what it would look like even longer. So much to my dismay I agreed to let him grow out his hair until Summer 2010. He agreed and we even pinky promised. However after a few months and as his hair started to get longer and longer I started to really like it! I didn't want him to cut it and told him that IF he decided he wanted to keep it long thru the summer that I was ok with it and just left the decision up to him. Up until a few days ago he was still diggin the long hair....until it started getting HOT outside. I had to giggle when he looked at me and said "Mom, my hair is kinda hot....I think I wanna cut it." It was bitter sweet I have to admit. I had kinda grown fond of his beautiful hair. (Don't let him no I said his name and beautiful in the same sentence!) So without further delay here is the new hair!

Taken rite before she started cutting away...I love the long hair on him!!

She had shaved the sides and back now she is starting on the top. Now that is one heck of a mohawk!

Just a little more....

That's ALOT of hair off of one little head

Is this the same child??

This picture cracks me up. I think he is looking at the guy to his left with the mohawk.

You can see his wheels a turning!!

Finished!! He got a little fauxhawk...close as he is gonna get rite now!

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!

Happy Easter!!

2010-04-01T14:14:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Easter!! I will be back next week!

Not Me Monday!

2010-03-29T11:48:00.000-05:00

I decided to plug back in for the day and participate in Not Me Monday over at Mckmama's site. Head on over there to participate in the fun!!
So here is what I haven't been up to this past week...

I did not wear my shirt backwards ALL day long only to realize when I saw a few people looking at me weird
I did not oversleep one day last week. I didn't wake up at 8:00 a.m. when I have to be to work at 8:30 am.
I most certainly did not fall over in my chair at work while I was stretching...that would be very embarassing.

What have you guys not done this week?!

Unplugged

2010-03-26T13:10:00.000-05:00

Well just when I thought things couldn't get any worse they have. Unfortunately it's not something that I feel is appropriate to blog about at least right now anyway. So i'm going to take a few days off from posting (guess I will extend my challenge just a few more days into April again!). I just need a break from everything at the moment. I'm so tired and confused. Please just send some prayers my way!! I know that God is holding my hand rite now and that I need to put Him first which I don't do enough. I am very guilty at "forgetting" to do that....I hope i'm not the only one!

I hope you all have a great weekend!!!

Trust

2010-03-25T13:48:00.000-05:00

Hello my name is Andrea and I have a severe problem trusting men. Whew I feel so much better now that I said that outloud. May seem insignificant to most people but to me it's a HUGE problem. I am the type of person who doesn't trust anyone from the get go. You have to earn your trust with me and once it's broken it's extremely hard to fix. I spent years in counseling when I was in my late teens and early twenties trying to figure out why I am the way I am and how to deal with my issues. Did it help? Maybe a little but my issues like to rear their ugly heads especially when i'm under stress. I first talked about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my mom when I was a child here and I still do plan to talk more about it in hopes of helping others. Like I said before if what I disclose helps even just one person then I will be so happy! There are alot of things that happen in my life and my marriage that I don't write about because some things are just meant to be private. However I talked to my hubby last night and asked if it was ok with him if I told a little of his "story" and he liked the idea. You see it's this amazing phenonmenon that people who were abused as children unknowingly seek out others that have had the same or similiar experiences. I don't really understand why this happens but a counselor once told me that nine times out of ten that almost all of your friends will have had a similiar experience as you did growing up. She also said that you may not even realize it and may never realize it because it's not something most people like to talk about or disclose. It's almost like a secret "club" so to speak. So about a year ago when my husband broke down and started having repressed memories surface I wasn't the least bit surprised. Well let me rephrase that...I was shocked at what had happened to him but not shocked that I had married someone who had been abused. My husband has a long journey to getting better but as he put it "at least i'm with someone who gets me." What I have tried to explain to him is that you have to deal with what happened to you head on and not sweep it under the carpet. Everyone is different in how they deal with things but by not dealing your just delaying the healing process. Are we ever really healed? I'm really not sure. I want to think I am healed but I know i'm not but I am better. So back to the trust thing...I kind of got sidetracked here didn't I? I will always have trust issues and it can be crippling at times. For example when my husband tells me "yes dear I watered the plants" my first thought is no you didn't your lying. (This is just an example by the way....I don't think I have ever doubted him on simple everyday things.) It doesn't help matters that my first husband was a ~~piece of shit.~~lying cheater who destroyed my self esteem and trust completely. Lets just say he makes Tiger Woods look good. I allowed myself to be emotionally abused by him for six years. I allowed him to manipulate me and knock me to the very bottom of the Earth. So now Steven gets the aftershocks which isn't fair. From the very start of our relationship I have not trusted him at all when it came to other women. What was so crazy is he had done absolutely nothing to make me doubt his faithfulness. I had just convinced myself that he was talking to and seeing other women. So I would snoop. I would find myself grabbing his phone while he was in the shower and looking at all of his incoming/outgoing calls and text messages. At the time he worked as a contractor for Dish Network so he made alot of calls to customers but in my mind they weren't customers but other women. Crazy huh? I think I even called a few of the numbers just to see who it actually was he was talking to!! What did I find out? Customers or his male friends NOT other women. This obsession got worse over time. I not only was snooping thru his phone I would snoop thru his email as well. One evening after we had been dating for about 8-10 months I broke down and admitted to him what I had been doing. He wasn't mad at all and told me that if it made me feel better then I could snoop all I wanted because he had nothing to hide. That was just it though I didn't want to be that kind of person. Everyone deserves their own personal space and privacy. So over the years I have really had to make the effort to not do those kind of things. It's very hard but I have made huge progress!! I think I am going to do a post soon on what exactly happened to me that made me have such trust issues. It's not just one thing inparticular but a multitude of things. Right now my husband and I are trying very hard to work through everything but I am not going to sit here and type that things are great. They aren't great at all but one thing I do know is that we love each other and we "get" one another. That in itself is great!!
Happy Thursday everyone!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T16:19:00.000-05:00

Can you see Alex?

Random

2010-03-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

Well I have to say i'm a little disappointed. I had challenged myself to blog everyday starting March 4th - April 4th....and I have been m.i.a for the past 3 days. Not on purpose though!! My computer went on the fritz and I tried to write a post from my cell phone but for some reason that option isn't available anymore. Probably just my phone. It allows me to log in and select new post but it won't actually let me compose anything. VERY frustrating!! So I have extended my challenge to April 7th! I guess if this happens again and I miss a day or two I will just make another extension. I REALLY missed reading everyone elses blogs. I have alot of catching up to do today! whew!
We had a pretty uneventful weekend. Friday it was 73 degrees and by Saturday morning it was 30 and snowing! We got about 6 inches of snow, which may not be much to those of you who live up north, but it's alot for us. Luckily it melted pretty quickly and the sun is shining. Way to pretty to be stuck inside working that's for sure!
I hope everyone has a wonderful week!!

I would kill to be our dogs for five minutes!

2010-03-19T11:24:00.000-05:00

Seriously all my dogs do is eat, sleep, bark, crap, play and lay around being lazy. I would LOVE to be able to do that for just one day. Not have a care in the world except when I was going to get fed. I'm pretty sure our dogs don't worry per say.
So two nights ago I was in our bedroom when out on the front porch I heard the most aweful crying/meowing sound coming from outside the door. I just had to open that door and see if everything was ok even though I already knew it was a stray cat that wanted us to feed it and take it inside. Ugh! I DID NOT want another animal let alone a cat. Don't get me wrong I like cats but I don't like the smell of a cat box or all of the hair they shed. However I also have a big heart and can't stand to see an animal suffering. This poor cat was starving and was obviously scared. He wanted to come inside even though there were three barking dogs ready to chase him all around the house. He didn't care! He just wanted IN!! I finally got all of the supplies we needed which included a big bag of cat food. We put a bowl of food and water on a small end table (This is so the dogs won't get it) and he was so happy!! He kept looking at us in between bites with a look of such appreciation. Then he ended up sleeping next to his bowl of unfinished food all night. Made me feel even more sorry for him that he felt he couldn't leave his food because it would "disappear" or something. So needless to say we have another animal. Woo hoo!
Oh and by the way today it is so beautiful outside. A high of 73! Tomorrow the high is 32 and it's suppose to snow...gotta love Oklahoma weather. Have a great weekend!!

Stand off

2010-03-18T13:32:00.000-05:00

So the past few days have been really hard. I can honestly say that this has been the hardest relationship issue I have ever had to deal with in my adult life. I have had several long term relationships and have been married before and well obviously those relationships all ended. Yes I shed tears and was sad BUT not like this. The scary thing is that my husband and I are not even ending our marriage or splitting up for good. It has just felt like it for some reason. However, last night we talked. I ran out to his parents house to actually pick up Alex (can't be away from him for that long!) and at first it was awkward. We didn't really know how to act or what to say to each other. It's like we both had to much pride or stubborness to admit that we were wrong or to say i'm sorry. There has been alot of finger pointing and blame. I don't know how many of you read Mckmama's blog, but yesterday she wrote a post about marriage that made the little light bulb in my brain come on and scream "hello? anybody in here??!!" I see so clearly now how both my husband and I have been attacking one another like we are at war. Hateful words can be like road side bombs and eventually lead to the death of a marriage if you are not careful. I am by no means an expert here but I can see now why my husband wanted to get away. In all honestly i'm kind of glad he did because I don't know if the light bulb would have come on if I hadn't of taken a step back out of the situation. So after about five minutes of us standing there in a "stand off" so to speak determined to "win" and stay mad at each other I caved. I suddenly didn't care about winning. I mean what exactly was I winning anyway? A divorce? Not exactly my idea of a great prize!! All I cared about was telling my husband that I loved him and that I was willing to listen to him and actually HEAR what he was saying. I put my "guns" away and just listened. I was amazed at what I heard!! He in turn listened to me and I saw a look of compassion and understanding in his eyes that I haven't seen in a very long time. Now don't get me wrong we are by no means out of the clear and ok. There is alot of work that needs to be done to repair the damage caused by those road side bombs. However, I have a very new outlook on things today and I feel this undescribable peace in my heart. I know that God has been listening to all of the prayers as well. Thank you so much!!
I'm happy to say that not only did I bring Alex home last night I brought my husband home too! There is alot of work to be done and I know that we will probably have more ups than downs at first but we both agreed that we would rather be together thru those tough times than apart. We both realized last night that we need to end the stand off and stand together!!

Wordless Wednesday!

2010-03-17T13:33:00.000-05:00

Weird purses I ran across while browsing the internet!

Lovely Keyboard purse

Hmmmm...I dont know whether to laugh or be scared.

I actually like frogs but this one looks kinda mean!

Happy Wordless Wednesday!!!

Heavy heart

2010-03-16T10:48:00.000-05:00

I write with a heavy heart today. My husband and Alex are gone for a few days for spring break and i'm missing them so much. If things were ok between my husband and I then I would be ok with him going off, but not right now. Rite now I feel he needs to be home, but he doesn't want to be. We are not splitting up (or at least if we are i'm not aware of it). I think the exact words out of his mouth is "I think it would be good for us to have a few days apart." Maybe it would but that's not what I want. I don't like coming home to an empty house. Yes, I am very excited for Alex because this is spring break and I want him to have fun. They went out to my husbands parents house which is way out in the country. There are tons of fun things to do and the weather is supposed to be perfect this week. So in that aspect i'm thrilled! Like I told my husband if we were a perfectly happy couple then you going off for a few days wouldn't bother me because I would be secure in our relationship. I would also know that a part of my husband WASN'T wanting to be away from ME. Maybe a few days apart will help us I just don't know. Do you guys think four or five days apart will help?

I'm tired!

2010-03-15T14:23:00.000-05:00

Wow it was a long and eventful weekend! The weather was semi nice so we decided to head out to the country and have a little fun. Lots of fishing, hiking and adventures! Alex had such a great time. I took a few pictures but i'm not quite ready for that post. Like I said i'm tired and it is Monday! I am not a big fan of Mondays but who is?? Well I hope everyone has a great week!

Crazy eyes

2010-03-14T08:00:00.003-05:00

I always tease my husband about his "crazy" eyes. He has really large eyes and when he is goofing around or gets surprised they get even bigger. If you didn't know him you might think he was a little looney! We may be having our fair share of problems right now, but we still have fun together. He is my best friend and that will never change. Only a best friend would let you do this...

See the crazy eyes? We got bored one nite and he let me do his hair!

His hair had gotten really long (he has since cut if all off). I thought it was very stylish!

This pic is kind of dark but look closely at the eyes...further proof.

The hair night was so much fun. He now realizes the time it takes to do hair.

What does "In Love" really mean?

2010-03-13T14:00:00.001-06:00

Trust me this question has been tossed around between my husband and I ALOT the past several days. What does it really mean to be "in love" with someone? Is it defined by the giddy feeling you get when you see that special person? Is it when you feel butterflies in your stomach? Is it when you sit up all night with them while they are sick and throwing up? Is it when you listen to their goofy (somewhat boring) stories over and over again just because? Is it when you kiss them and feel light headed and dizzy? I mean the list could go on and on and on...
I guess you could say i'm doing some soul searching. To me being in love is a combination of all of those things plus some. What does it mean to you guys?

Bubble Time!

2010-03-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

A few months ago my nephew who is three and my son took a bath together with the "bubble machine" as they like to call it. It's actually this really cool contraption that I found at a garage sale. It is supposed to be a "spa" for the tub but we use it to make an enormous amount of bubbles!

Where's Waldo?

They were having so much fun!

Alex thought the more bubbles that were on his face the better!

Bubble Monster!

Prayer Request

2010-03-12T10:24:00.001-06:00

Please say a prayer for these children and families. There has been an outbreak of bacterial menengitits at an elementary school in Oolagah, Oklahoma which is about 30 minutes North of where I live and two children have already died. When I hear stories like this it ALWAYS hits close to home.

I love this face!

2010-03-12T08:00:00.001-06:00

I love this sweet face!

He always makes me smile!

His sweet smile melts my heart!

Since the day he was born he stole my heart! He is 100% a mama's boy although in a few years I suspect that statement will really embarass him. For now though he is my baby. My parnter in "crime"! I love you Boogey!

Spell Check! Calling Mr. Spell Check!

2010-03-11T10:50:00.000-06:00

First off thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. You have know idea how much it means! Today is a better day. I guess I have had a few days to digest everything and I don't feel so shell shocked. I was re-reading my last few posts yesterday afternoon and I just couldn't figure out what was wrong or missing. I knew that when I was typing the word "graphic" that it just didn't look quite rite but I was just not in the mood to dwell on it if you know what I mean. By the way...what happened to the spell check on here??? I can't find that option ANYWHERE! Anyway I woke up in the middle of the night last nite and was like oh no. Oh no!! I misspelled graphic. Really? How can I be worried at 1:00 a.m. that I misspelled a word on my blog. I'm pretty sure you guys weren't worrying about it! So the first time I spelled it "graffic" like traffic with a G and the second time I spelled it "grafic" like I was trying to figure out why it looked so weird but just couldn't. After everything that is going on in my life rite now THIS is what woke me up straight out of bed. Ok so this is just a random and kinda pointless post but I think it's just what I needed! I'm still calling for that Mr. Spell Check...where did he go?!

We have come to the conclusion

2010-03-10T13:04:00.000-06:00

So my husband and I have been talking ALOT lately. We have been disecting our marriage trying to figure out how in the world we have gotten to this point. How did it happen? When did it happen? How are we going to fix it? All of these questions have been swirling in my mind the past couple of days over and over again. I can't eat or sleep. I just want to curl up in a tiny ball and go to sleep and hope that when I wake this is all just a bad dream. I know that isn't going to happen though and that I have to deal with this head on otherwise it won't get better. It will only get worse and then it may not even be fixable. How did we end up here? How can two perfectly happy people who want to spend the rest of their lives together end up here?? Why? I know marriage is hard work and there are ups and downs. I knew that at some point one of us would be unhappy and would need the other one to carry us through. Am I strong enough to carry my husband through this? I just don't know. I would like to think that I am, but at the moment I don't feel very strong. I feel weak and sad. My husband is such a kind person and doesn't like to say or do anything that will hurt someone else. It's almost to the point where it is a fault of his. So instead of coming to me months ago and talking to me about his feelings he just pretended that everything was ok. I guess he hoped that it would get better and that his feelings would change. He just simply did not want to hurt me by telling me the truth about how he was feeling towards me and now we are in trouble. I knew something was wrong and off. I just never imagined it would be this. I basically begged him to tell me what was going on. I told him that it might hurt me but lying would hurt me worse. No there has been no affair or anything like that. Not yet anyway. I'm not saying my husband is the type of person who cheats, but I think everyone is capable of it given the right situation. So after alot of begging and pleading he finally broke down in tears and told me "I'm not in love with you anymore." He said he loves me but isn't "in love" and hasn't been for quite some time now. He said it feels like he is living with his best friend. So you can only assume from there that all physical attraction is gone as well. When I asked him if he was sexually attracted to me anymore the answer was no. Talk about feeling like a hundred knives were being stabbed into my heart. I think that was the hardest thing to hear. I already knew the answer before I asked because of certain things that had happened. I won't go into grafic detail here, but you can probably guess. Let's just say his tools won't work sometimes because it's just simply NOT there for him anymore. It's all gone. How did this happen??? How do we fix it?? Neither one of us want to throw in the towel on our marriage. Divorce is not even on the table but that doesn't mean that i'm not scared shitless that it may happen. We are definitely open to marriage counseling but unfortunately rite now we just can't afford it because of him losing his job. To top it all off my hopes and dreams of becoming a mother again have pretty much been put on the back burner for good. I mean first off it's kinda hard to make a baby with broken tools and secondly is it fair to even think about bringing a baby into a broken marriage? Just think a few days ago my biggest concern was infertility (not making light of infertility at all but to me that seems like something I can wrap my arms around). So that is the conclusion that we have come to and we have no idea what to do now. At least it's out in the open and that in itself makes me feel a little better.

I feel lost

2010-03-09T09:38:00.000-06:00

I have been up half the night trying to decide whether or not to share this with everyone. Not that I have a huge reader base but still this is kinda private. However, I always feel better when I write down what i'm thinking and feeling. I could also use a few prayers! My husband and I are having some major problems and to be honest with you I have NO idea what to do. I'm feel so lost and sad. I love him with all of my heart and soul. He is my soulmate if you believe in that sort of stuff. I have known that things have been off for quite some time. I just didn't know what exactly was wrong. I could just FEEL that something was going terribly wrong yet no matter how hard I tried to wrap my arms around the problem I just kept slipping. We were holding hands at one point on this journey and now I feel like he has let my hand go and i'm lost like a little kid in a huge amusement park. What do I do? We have been married almost two years and together for almost five. We have been friends for eight years and to be honest I can't imagine my life without him. Yet I feel like he is already gone. I won't go into graffic details yet as to what has been discussed or said but let me tell you it's NOT good. It also has NOTHING to do with the way I feel but how he feels. Not good I tell ya. I know marriage is hard and you have to fight. I also know that at any given point one of you can fall "out of love". I have always told Steven that we can't both fall out of love at the SAME time. Don't you think that is just a recipe for disaster?
I am praying that we can soldier through this rough patch and come out a stronger and healthier couple. At the moment though i'm just so uncertain and feel very lost.

I can feel it

2010-03-09T08:00:00.001-06:00

I can feel springs rite around the corner!!!! Woo hooo I LOVE spring time. I love the warm weather and the spring storms. I love the time change and getting an extra hour of daylight. I love going to the park after I get home from work or going on a bike ride with my son. The three of us love to watch storms and storm "chase." I live in Oklahoma so we are right in the middle of Tornado alley. We don't get tornados very often, but there are watches or warnings nearly everyday during this time. The devastation of a tornado is not something to joke about and is certainly not fun but the thrill of chasing a storm or just watching it pass over is extremely exciting. When I say storm I don't mean tornado. Oh no I would be in my basement if a tornado was actually passing over!! I have actually only seen a handful of tornados in my lifetime and that is enough. What about you guys? Do you like Spring? Do you like to watch storms? Do you have tornados where you live? If not what other kind of natural disatures do you have to worry about?

Reminders

2010-03-08T09:11:00.000-06:00

Friday at lunch I had to go to the post office for my job. By the way I HATE the post office. Line out the door and one worker = a forty five minute wait. I don't know why I let it bother me it's not like i'm not getting paid to stand in line and wait. Who likes to wait though even if they are getting paid? Super uber annoying! Anyway while I was standing there waiting I heard the most precious laugh I hadn't heard in along time. You know that sweet little belly laugh that seems to happen right around when a baby is 6-9 months? So I looked over and noticed a mother standing in line hold her precious little baby girl who was just laughing away at what i'm still not too sure. I couldn't help but look for a minute and laugh myself. Then I remembered Alex at that age...oh how it seems just like yesterday and now in two months he will be 9! Everyone tells you that you "forget" your child ever being that small. I never knew what that meant until he started growing up. I always just shook my head but inside I was like "whatever I will NEVER forget this!" Well hmmm you do forget! I mean you KNOW they were that small, but you just simply forget what it felt like to hold them. So then a few minutes after I had my Alex flash back I of course started feeling sorry for myself. I started longing to hold a baby once again and hear that sweet belly laugh. Then something popped into my head that I have never really given much though to and it made me very sad. What if I never have a baby? What if Alex never has a sibling that he can become close to? How sad would that be? Luckily I was snapped back to reality before things got too ugly when the counter lady said "next!". Whew saved by the bell so to speak. I guess i'm doing a little better...I haven't had a pity party since here. Yay!
Well I hope you guys had a great weekend!!

Pictures count as a post rite?

2010-03-07T08:00:00.006-06:00

I love my family!!!!

Wow has he changed or what?! My baby is growing up...

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend! We are just enjoying spending time together and playing outside in this beautiful weather we are having!!

Simple pleasure

2010-03-06T08:00:00.001-06:00

I love this picture. I think his face says it all!

How did I forget?

2010-03-05T10:33:00.000-06:00

How did I forget to ask the doctor about Clomid while I was at my appointment when that was the whole point of going?? Well maybe not the whole point but it was a big reason I went. How did I sit there for over an hour and simply forget? I just don't know...wow maybe I really am getting old. Oh well I plan to make another appointment soon. I tried calling just to see if maybe by chance that would be something that could be called in..ha ha ha. Not a chance! I'm convinced they just want my moolah.

Oh yes, before I forget, head on over to the Smith Family Scoop to see how you can participate in the Carnival that is being held for sweet little Gavin's medical fund!!

Have a blessed weekend!!

Challenge

2010-03-04T09:40:00.000-06:00

I love blogging. I love everything about it...the writing, the freedom to express my thoughts, the friends I have made and most of all I love reading your stories! I'm kinda lazy though when it comes to the actual writing part. I have good intentions, but somehow someway life just happens and I don't make time. So I am challenging myself. Today is March 4th and I am planning to write a post each and every single day until April 4th. Who knows maybe I might even surprise myself and write a couple of posts a day here and there! How about you guys? Up for the challenge?!

Hope

2010-03-03T10:14:00.000-06:00

I am hoping this month is the month I see two lines. I'm praying this is the month I see two lines. Do I have faith that I will see two lines?? Not really. Hmmm are hope and praying the same as faith? I have never thought about it this way. I mean if I have faith in God while i'm praying then I should have faith right? Ugh I don't know the answer.

Please say a Prayer

2010-03-01T14:54:00.000-06:00

Over the last several months I have followed Jenn's blog and her story is heartbreaking. It hits so close to home to me I think because her son and my son are so close in age. I just can not fathom what her and her husband are going thru. I thank God everyday for my son. I know at any moment he could be taken home but I am selfish. I want Alex here with me for as long as possible. No parent should EVER have to bury their child. It's just not fair. When I started out reading blogs about two years ago I never imagined all of the stories I would come across. All of the heartache I would read. It really has made me realize how lucky I am and I feel so blessed. However I know that I could just as easily be one of the people that I am reading about. I realize now how easily things can change in just an instant. Things may not be perfect in my life rite now. They are actually very far from it, but I am so thankful that for the most part everyone in my family is healthy. I really needed a perspective check today! I was having quite the pity party! Hope everyone has a great week!!

Back in the Day

2010-02-12T09:40:00.001-06:00

Back in the day I was a really good runner. I started running when I was in the 8th grade and continued throughout my high school and college career. I actually hated to run, but I loved to win so that in itself kept me motivated. Well to make a long story short I did really well in both track and cross country, won lots of medals, won the state championship in 1994 and got a scholarship to college. Then I got injured and burnt out and really haven't ran since 2000. Anyways you can only imagine how out of shape I really am! So the other day I took Alex to the local community center to work out with me and we decided to walk around the indoor track. Of course Alex couldn't stand to walk for long and before I knew it he was doing circles around me. Me being the competitive person that I am tried to keep up with him only to about fall over from pure exhaution. Very embarassing to say the least. At one point he stops next to me and places his hand on my back and our conversation went a little something like this:

Alex: Mom are you ok?
Me: Whew. Yes I'm ok just really out of shape and tired.
Alex: Mom come on you can do it. You gotta get back into running.
Me: Honey, I am trying I just don't think I can do it.
Alex: (as he pats my back and looks at me with the sweetest most sincere look I have ever seen) Mom you are a champion. I know you can do it. Remember all of the medals you have at home? You are a champion!! Come on you can do it!!

What does a mom say to that? Well I got my tired butt in gear and ran a few more laps with a big smile on my face...after all I didn't want him to think that a champion would quit and give up! I may not be a champion to the rest of the world, but I am to him!

Time to get Serious

2010-02-09T10:13:00.000-06:00

So I have decided that it's time to get serious about this whole pregnancy thing. I mean really serious. I will be 33 in April and have realized no that's not old, BUT my baby making years are passing by fast. Ok not that I haven't been taking it serious for the past 2 years, but there are several things we haven't tried. I am going to the doctor Thursday and plan to ask about Clomid and see what other options are availble in that department. I have started that wonderful thing we call a period today so I thought what better time to get serious. We are starting fresh this month with a whole new positive outlook on things. Wish me luck!!

Not Me Monday!

2010-02-08T12:59:00.000-06:00

Wow it has been ALONG time since I have participated in Not Me Monday as you can see here. It is so much fun so I thought today I would come out of Not Me Monday hiding. You can go to Mckmama's site and read so many great posts as well as put your Not Me post up on Mr. Linky!

I did not go to the grocery store Saturday night in my pajamas and hair rollers...that would be really embarassing
I certainly did not let my son stay up until 10:30 on a school night watching a movie just because he told me I was "the best mom in the entire world".
I did not drink 3 Dr. Peppers and eat half a bag of Sour Cream and Onion chips in roughly an hour and then wonder why I have gained weight.
I did not laugh until I couldn't breathe when my husband fell while we were roller skating. Not me! A loving caring wife would have ran over to make sure he was ok.

Well I feel better! So what did you guys NOT do this past week?

Confessions

2010-02-06T09:36:00.001-06:00

Ok so I am pretty much the most terrible person in the world. Or at least that is the way I feel. A little over a year ago I had a miscarriage. At the same time my sister in law found out she was pregnant as well and went on to give birth to my beautiful neice. How does this make me a terrible person you ask? Well we are babysitting my neice and nephew this weekend and I can't help have feelings of hurt and anger when I see this beautiful child. Isn't that just wrong??? I feel like crap for feeling this way. I'm not personally angry at her at all. I love her and enjoy spending time with her. However last nite I found myself unable to cope with my feelings. I became upset and overwhelmed with guilt that I was feeling this way. It got so bad at one point that I was in tears and screaming at my husband for no apparant reason. He looked at me baffled and had no idea what was wrong with me. To make it even worse you no what I said? I told him to just go away and that he hadn't been the one who had had three miscarriages. That didn't go over so well. Once I had a minute to calm dow I realized how utterly stupid I was being and that yes my husband had suffered three miscarriages rite along with me. Boy did I feel like a real putz. Luckily I have the most forgiving husband on the planet (in my biased opinion anyways) and he didn't stay mad at me long. He knows just when to step in and let me have a little time to regroup. He immediately took over with the kids and told me to go relax in a hot bath. Yes I feel very lucky to have married this man. So this morning I am feeling alot better about things. It is so strange how these emotions come in waves. They lay dormant for months at a time and then without a moments notice they rear their ugly head. Will it ever get better?
(sidenote: sorry for any misspellings....I am writing this from my cell phone and my back button is stuck so I can't fix things.)

Life's Simple Pleasures

2010-02-03T10:58:00.002-06:00

I just visited Kelly's Korner (which by the way I just adore her blog) and she has a cool post up and I thought I would participate. It's been awhile since I have participated in something fun on my blog. There are so many simple pleasures in my life that sometimes I take for granted. Hopefully this will be a reminder to all of us that sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy life's Simple Pleasures! So here goes my list in no particular order:

Making a pallet on the floor and watching movies with Alex
Going in Alex's room at night and watching him sleep...he looks so sweet and peaceful.
The way the air smells right before it's going to rain
Watching my sweet dog Hammie roll around on his back and make weird noises (cracks me up every time!)
Going on a walk with my family and talking about anything and everything
Hitting the snooze button in the mornings
Talking on the phone
The sound of thunder and rain
The fact that Alex still thinks i'm cool
Warm summer nights
Mt. Dew (or sprite) with fresh strawberries in it
Burritos with sour cream
The feeling you get when you first fall in love
Alex's adorable little feet. I have loved them since day 1!! Some may think that's weird, but I just love his cute feet!
The way my husband looks at me when I do something silly

Oh how the list can go on and on!! Here are just a few of my Simple Pleasures in life. How about you guys?

I am still here!

2010-02-02T09:10:00.002-06:00

Wow it's been ALONG time since my last post. I don't know what happened but time just kind of slipped by. The Holidays went really well. We had such a great time being with family and Santa was super good to Alex this year. I love Christmas and all of the magic that comes along with it!! I have a ton of pictures to post (we finally got a new camera last month!).

As far as the whole getting pregnant thing goes....no major news flash when I say that i'm still not pregnant. Actually we have kind of taken a break from trying this past month. I just couldn't take anymore and needed a break. Don't get me wrong i'm still hoping and praying that it happens. It's just when we are trying I get a little obsessed right around the time my period should be due and start taking pregnancy tests like a mad woman. I'm sure you guys know what I mean when I say "I think I see a faint line. Is that a line???" I just couldn't do it this month!! By the way I really hate pregnancy tests.

Ok not that I have a huge reader base or anything, but I was wondering if any of you have any experience with the fertility drug Clomid. Many moons ago I took it for about a month, then my ex-husband decided to start acting like an total ass and we split up so I obviously quit taking it. I don't even think it had time to work. Back then I didn't even think I had problems with fertility. I just whined to my OB that I hadn't gotten pregnant in about a months time and she said well let's try this and see how it works. Have any of you ever tried it? Did it work? Are there any terrible side affects? Does it increase your chance of having multiples? I seem to remember my doctor saying it didn't, but I'm not sure! I would sure appreciate any information you guys have to offer!

Well I better get back to the grind of things and actually work! Have a great Tuesday guys!

Super Awesome Giveaway!!!

2009-12-09T13:43:00.002-06:00

Ok guys head on over to MckMama's site to enter in this contest for a chance to win an HP Touchsmart Computer!!! Wow! I'm sooo excited for the opportunity to win. Good luck everyone!!

The hardest month yet

2009-12-08T13:33:00.002-06:00

Well this has definitely been the hardest month yet in regards to not being pregnant. You see I was late this month. Not just a couple days late...really late. So there was hope. More hope than any other month to date. I like to post on here when I actually start my period each month that way I can go back and check the dates. Kinda like an online calendar of sorts. (I'm not the greatest at keeping track on an actual calendar!) So when I got on here and realized that I hadn't had my period since rite around October 19th I got pretty excited. I don't have the normal 28 day cycle so I knew I wasn't THAT late. I have rite around a 40 day cycle and should have started around November 27th. So yippee I was a week late! I went to the drug store and bought a test (much against my better judgment). Once I got the little thing home I was very anxious to take it. I just kept praying and praying two lines would appear. Did they? Nope. However, I didn't let that get me down. I had already looked online to see how far along I would be if I actually were pregnant and it said 4 weeks, which might not show a positive result yet. Am I grasping for straws? Probably. Well actually I was because much to my disappointment my not so great friend showed her face the following evening. After a week of hopes and dreams it was all crushed into fifty million pieces by one trip to the bathroom. Fair? Not really, but oh well. We have to just keep pushing forward and keep on praying! I HAVE to remain positive right now because life sure is taking lots of not so great turns. I have been hesitant to post on here until I had a little bit to come to terms with things. I mean after all we all have our health and that you can't put money on. So I kinda feel guilty for even griping because I know there are so many people out there right now that are dealing with so much more. So much that I couldn't even begin to imagine their pain and sorrow. However, this is my place to vent. The one place I have that I can speak my mind and hope not to be judged. So here we go! The last month has sucked to put it plain and simple. We have NO money. None zippo nadda. Where is that nice nest egg savings? Hmmm...well it got spent on three trips to Florida last year and the burial of my mom. So it's gone and hasn't been replenished. This month my husband lost his job and we are patiently waiting on unemployment to kick in. Then my car broke down and we have no idea how much it's going to cost to fix it. We have one running car, but let me tell you it's old and I'm scared that any day now it's going to kick the bucket. Bad timing? Kinda!! I'm worried that I won't have enough money to get my son Christmas presents, although I'm pretty sure it will be covered by my Christmas bonus. Oh wow let's hope I get that!!! So there is no wonder I was late now that I think about it. Stress tends to do those things. I am so grateful though that we are all healthy and I thank God EVERY SINGLE DAY for the time he is giving me with Alex. I know things will get better. It's just rite now it's kinda hard to actually see it.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2009-11-25T14:26:00.003-06:00

I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving!! Please be safe as you travel from place to place.

I am so thankful for my child's health, my family and that I am here to enjoy another Thanksgiving!!!

Thank you!

2009-11-18T10:30:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your kind words of encouragement. You guys have know idea how good it feels to read your comments. I don't really have any friends in the "real" world that I can relate to rite now when it comes to my infertility issue. To read all of your stories and comments makes me feel like I fit in somewhere. Does that make sense? It's nice to know that the feelings that I am having are normal. I find myself feeling like this terrible person for feeling the way I do. I have met so many wonderful people since I started blogging and hope to meet many more. I love to read your stories!! So I just wanted to say Thank you!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T10:00:00.003-06:00

Halloween was so much fun this year! Alex was the Grim Reaper (or so that's what we called it anyways...not really sure what he was!) I was a Devil (a nice one) and Steven was well I'm not really sure about that either. Steven and I threw our costumes together last minute as usual. Actually, I thought Steven's turned out the best. This picture really doesn't do his costume justice. He looked hilarious!! He played the part even better, which if you know Steven that is a huge deal. He gets sooo embarrassed about this kind of stuff, but this year he kinda let loose. I was proud of him!! We went trick or treating in a couple of different neighborhoods and Alex hit the candy jackpot! Ok I better stop or this is gonna turn into Wordy Wednesday....hmmm maybe that's an idea.

Halloween 2009.

I Will NEVER Understand This!

2009-11-17T14:31:00.003-06:00

When I read things like this on the news it makes me so angry. So when I heard this on the news yesterday I was enraged and shocked. I used to live about twenty minutes from Nichols Hills. It is a suburb of Oklahoma City where alot of prominent people live. The homes are beautiful and it is considered to be very upper class. Does that really matter? Not really. This just further proves my theory that it doesn't matter how rich or poor you are we are all human and EVERYONE has problems. My question is why did no one see this coming? Evidently this doctor had been treated for severe depression since the early 1990's. There had to be warning signs. Maybe it's because this little boy is so close to Alex's age that it hit close to home. I just can't imagine anyone hurting a child let alone by their own parent(s). Please let's all say a prayer for this sweet little boy's mother. She survived the attack, but I'm sure mentally and emotionally she is just beside herself. I can't imagine what she is going through rite now.

Tommy Wolf - earned his Angel Wings 11/16/09

One year ago...

2009-11-17T13:53:00.003-06:00

I can't believe it's been an entire year. A year since I heard your voice. A year since I said "I love you". A year since we chatted about the weather and our dogs. A year since I got that dreaded phone call no one wants to get. A year since you died and heaven gained an Angel. Mom, I love you and miss you more than words can express. I miss our Sunday morning chats and still find myself picking up the phone to call you. Oh if you could only see Peetie!! He is so happy and loves to run and play with the other dogs. He especially loves to play with Hammie...they run, roll around on the ground together and dig together!! He loves to curl under the blankets at night and snuggles with Alex. Alex loves to hear me tell funny stories about Peetie "The Great Big Chihuahua". Peetie LOVES to eat tortillas and still hates thunderstorms with a passion. He is such a special dog. He was with you in your final hours and I know he misses you. Sometimes I find him laying on your coat for comfort.
Alex has gotten so big!! He is almost to my shoulders now and weighs over sixty pounds! He loves school and has straight A's. He is looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. His Christmas list is already made of course. He likes to hear stories about you and I only wish he could have gotten to know you better.
I love Thanksgiving and I always think of the time we ate Thanksgiving dinner at Mamaw's house in her bedroom. She was too sick to get out of bed so we ate rite there in her room. Remember that? Such a wonderful day and special memory! I miss you so much mom. I know someday we will see each other again but until that day I will continue to miss you and wish you were here with me.
I love you!
Andrea Leigh

P.S. B-B-B I LOVE IT!!!!!
XO XO XO

Hiding the pain

2009-11-16T13:35:00.004-06:00

Over the weekend I had to face the pain and deal with it. I had to fake being happy and excited. What did I have to face? My husbands cousin who recently found out she was expecting baby number 3. What happens when you get an entire room full of family? All they can do is talk about the upcoming baby. The room is filled with excitement. Is it my excitement? Nope. However, I did say congratulations with the biggest smile on my face and excitement in my voice. I really felt sad and angry that I wasn't the one getting congratulated. I was praying that no one noticed the pain in my eyes. Did I pull it off? I hope so.

Disguise the Turkey

2009-11-13T08:00:00.002-06:00

Alex recently had a school project that was called "disguise the turkey." The goal was to disguise a turkey so he would be safe this Holiday season. When we first got the assignment I was a little worried. For those of you who don't know I am NOT the least bit crafty. I have ideas in my head, but they never come to life. So to say the least I was pretty nervous about this project. I encouraged Alex to brainstorm for ideas and told him he would be doing a majority of the leg work, but of course we would help him if needed. So I googled ways to disguise a turkey and off we went! Luckily I had just obtained a large amount of baby clothes from my sister in law...figured I might as well take them just in case we needed them because they were just going to be sold in a garage sale. (Yes i'm really hoping for that baby!). I came across some great ideas, but one in particular stuck out. I ran my idea across Alex and of course his initial response was "No, I don't like that" followed by giving me a look like I was crazy and didn't no ANYTHING. (Gotta love this age). However, I insisted and so off we went. End result?

A turkey disguised as a baby! (Thank goodness for the spare baby clothes!)

He loved the idea once it came to life! I was told this was my best idea ever and was given lots of hugs and kisses.

Backside view of Turkey Feathers

Up close and personal

This is the Turkey before we changed his face up a little. We stuffed the legs, arms, head and body with magazine pages.

Overall it was a fun project that we were able to work together on with Alex. Great family time even though it was school work!

Like salt in an open wound

2009-11-12T09:57:00.005-06:00

I have been trying to wait a few days to post in order to get my arms wrapped around my emotions a little better. However, I find myself just as upset today as I was two days ago....so I decided to go ahead and post something. Hopefully I will feel better afterwards! Ok so as most of you know Steven and I are trying to have a baby. We have BEEN trying now for quite some time with obviously NO luck. I no, I no it will happen when it's meant to happen...or at least that's what everyone keeps telling me including Steven. How he remains so positive I don't no. BUT what if it NEVER happens? This questions haunts me pretty much on a daily basis. I absolutely HATE feeling the way I do especially towards other people who are pregnant. I don't want to be this jealous hateful person anymore, but I don't know how to get it under control. A few days ago I found out that my husbands cousin is expecting her third child. She has a two year old, a one year old and now she is pregnant again. When I read her myspace update that they were expecting again my first thought was "this is not fair." Then came anger, tears, jealousy, etc. Am I truly 100% happy for them? No i'm not. There I said it. I'm NOT happy....i'm pissed. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe, but i'm only human. I'm sure after a little bit of time has passed so will these emotions. I am just hoping that by blogging about this it will help me get this under control so I can fully embrace the joys of our soon to be new family member. At this moment in time, however, when I hear news of people expecting it's just like someone is pouring salt in an open wound.

Blond no more!!

2009-10-21T09:20:00.011-05:00

Over the weekend we attended a birthday party that was Halloween themed. All of the kids got to dress up and they had so much fun. Last year Alex was Ghost Rider. This year we bought his costume (Transformers) really early because all of the stores here had them out at the end of August, which by the way I think is ridiculous! So you know of course when it's actually time to wear the costume we can't find it! I have no idea where it could possibly be...it's not like my house is super huge or anything. Anyways, I refuse to buy a new costume so we are recycling last years. I figured he would throw a fit, but he was actually ok with it. I'm not sure what he is but I really thought it turned out good and it was so much fun getting him ready.

This picture cracks me up because he looks sooo serious.

So when we got home that evening he was looking in the mirror and says to me "Mom, don't you think my hair looks better like this when it's long? You know black?" I said "Yes, actually I do like it dark when it's long. Hmmm would you like to dye it black?" He could barely get yes out of his mouth before he was running out of the bathroom yelling to Steven what the "plan" was. Later that evening, after we had washed off all of the hairspray dye and face paint we headed to Walmart to get black hair dye. His natural hair color is dark brown/almost black, but he has had the blond in his hair for over a year now. He LOVES to color his hair.

Before we colored his hair (This pic was taken this summer at the lake. He has on pink Tinkerbell shorts in this picture because that's all we had that was dry. He was SO embarrassed!!)

Seriously mom how much longer till we are done??

We are almost there! Only five more minutes!!

The end result!! Jet black with a tint of blue. Oh so handsome!

Wow is all I could say when we were finished! It looks so different after seeing Blond for a year now. The blue was kind of an accident. I didn't realize that the blond tips would turn blue. I really like it, but I was afraid his school would get mad. Luckily they haven't said a word!

Wow what a difference!!

This was such a fun experience! Plus I got his undivided attention for a whole 30 minutes while we were waiting on the dye to be finished "cooking" as he liked to put it. We had a great conversation about various topics and he couldn't run off from me to do something else! Hmmm maybe I need to dye his hair more often??!

Have a great Wednesday!!!

Guess it was my imagination...

2009-10-20T16:56:00.002-05:00

Cause I got the monthly visitor bright and early this morning. Oh well that's ok! I am keeping my spirits up and I'm in a pretty good mood (aside from the terrible pms I am experiencing). I mean really what else can we do at this point? I am hopeful that we will get pregnant in the near future, but if we don't there are other options. Those options may seem damn near impossible at this point in my life but where there is a will there is a way right?!
I hope everyone is having a great week so far. Sorry this is short but it's almost five and I gotta head home!

Come on already!!!!!

2009-10-14T10:14:00.003-05:00

I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs rite now. Hell I may just throw myself a good old fashioned temper tantrum. Why? Because I STILL have not started my period and I STILL have not gotten a for sure positive pregnancy test. I am almost certain that I am not pregnant this month, but why oh why can't I just start my period? I am now officially 4 days late. FOUR!!! Mother nature sure is cruel. Hopes get brought up to the highest of all levels and then are shot down to the lowest depths after one trip to the restroom. The few tests that I have taken have not shown a dark positive. It's the faintest thing I have ever seen so more than likely it's either A) my imagination or B) an evaporation line. Oh and by the way did you know that you CAN get a false positive test if the cup you use to pee in has any soap residue left in it? I did not know this. See I can't sit down and aim my pee on those sticks. It just doesn't work out for me at all. So I have to pee in a cup and then dip. Gross? Yes, but that's the way I have to do it. Otherwise it's just a big mess and a wasted test. Anyways, I'm 32 and trust me in my lifetime I have taken SEVERAL pregnancy tests. Never ever have I gotten a false positive. So when I took this test and it turned almost immediately positive and the line was dark I got soooo excited. I just knew I was pregnant. (Side note: This happened several months ago) Well evidently the cup I peed in had some invisible soap residue left in it. So guess my pee cup was actually the one pregnant. Talk about being disappointed, heartbroken and pissed off at the world!!! Just a little FYI for you guys use a sterile cup to pee in.
Anyways I just wish I would either start my period since I pretty much no i'm not preg this month. I want to start so we can try again. I am really trying hard to put all of my faith in God rite now, but i'm just going to be honest with you guys it is very hard at the moment.

Playing the waiting game!

2009-10-13T10:10:00.003-05:00

Waiting, waiting and more waiting. That's what we are up to over in Pottsville. What are you waiting on you might ask? Either an unwanted visit from Mother Nature or a big fat POSITIVE pregnancy test. I'm of course hoping for the latter. Did I mention I absolutely despise pregnancy tests? I mean it's almost become an unhealthy obsession of mine. I can't tell you how many of them I have bought first off. Secondly, after I take the test I stare. Then I stare some more at that tiny little test strip. Is there a line? Is that a faint little line I see?! Then I stare some more and hold it up to a light. This will go one for awhile. Then I put it down and come back and stare some more. Then I get my husband and make him examine the test all the while I'm asking him "Do you see a line???!!!" Bless his heart I no he gets annoyed but he humors me. It was probably fun the first couple of times he looked at the tests but now i'm sure he is thinking just come and get me when the line is so dark it's nearly black! Has anyone else done this or am I just loosing my mind?!!! I am a couple days late, but my period has been known to be irregular....so i'm not holding my breath by any means. I have taken a couple of tests but no "clear" positive so I'm going to say they were negative. I'm sure it was probably just one of those annoying evaporation lines! Do I feel like mother nature is right around the corner? Yep, which is very discouraging. I have cramps of course but the other signs of PMS are at bay right now. I just keep reminding myself that I had cramps with my son as well. Just say a little prayer for us that we might actually get that for sure so dark it's almost black positive this time! I will keep you posted!

My First Recollection of Abuse

2009-10-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

The first time I remember my mother abusing me was when I was six. My mom was an alcoholic and when she drank she became a very mean person. For various reasons her and my dad divorced when I was five. As I remember things after the divorce is when mom began to drink heavily. That is when the abuse began. So back to my first memory. I was six and in the first grade. It was a school night so we were off to bed early. I still slept in the bed with my mom (which is a whole other issue and post). I remember we were lying in bed watching Johnny Carson. She had her favorite drink in hand which was a whiskey on the rocks. I curled up next to her so we could snuggle. She was tipsy but not drunk by any means. I remember looking up at her and she smiled, told me goodnight and kissed my forehead. I drifted off to sleep in the comfort of my mommy’s arms and good ole Johnny Carson playing in the background. Now that I think back it is so odd how I can remember the sounds in the background. Still to this day when I watch old re-runs of Johnny Carson it brings back floods of memories both good and bad. Anyway, I don’t know how long I had been asleep. I don’t know how long she had sat there continuing to drink. All I do no is that I was awoken by her slapping my head and face repeatedly. I was so confused. Was I dreaming? What had I done wrong? My first thought was do I have a bug on my head?? Is she trying to kill the bug??? I soon realized there was no bug. I looked into her eyes and no longer saw my mom. I saw a stranger. Her usually sparkling eyes were anger and rage filled. At this point I was still very confused and somewhat still asleep. This had never happened before. Hell I don’t even remember her ever spanking me before this night. I jumped up and quickly got off of the bed. Now we were facing each other from across the bed. She was so angry at me and still to this day I have no idea why. She proceeded to chase me around the room and down the hallway. She was yelling and screaming at me. There were moments when she would catch me. In those moments she would slap my head, face and upper body along with pulling my hair. I was so terrified. Who was this monster and why was she doing this to me? Where was my mom? I don’t remember how long all of this went on or why it finally ended. It did finally end that night. The next morning when I awoke I was so scared. Was she going to hit me again? Was she still angry? I heard her bustling around in the kitchen so I slowly crept down the hallway. When I reached the entrance to the kitchen I saw her standing at the counter making me breakfast. She looked up and saw me standing there. She smiled and her eyes sparkled. I knew instantly that the person standing before me was my mom. The relief I felt is indescribable. Later in the day after she picked me up from school she apologized. “I’m sorry about what happened last night. It will never happen again.” I told her it was ok and felt so relieved because she had told me it would never happen again. Little did I no that later that night it would happen again and every night after that for the next five years. The only thing that stopped was the apologies.

Child Hood Abuse

2009-10-07T11:00:00.002-05:00

This is something I have been hesitant to address on my blog. After all this started out as just a way to keep a journal about Alex and our Family. However, childhood abuse is something that hits close to home. It is something that that used to be very hard for me to talk about. It was easier to just “forget” about it. I was very good at putting on a winner smile and convincing everyone around me that I was ok. I really wasn’t ok. Inside I was hurting. The years of abuse I endured as a child at the hands of my mother has affected my adult life in more ways than one. It has made me question God and tested my faith. I have asked Him “why me?’ more times than I can count. I have been on a never ending quest to figure out why it happened. Finally after many many years of asking why I have come to the conclusion that there is no answer. Does that mean I still don’t ask why? Nope. I ask all of the time. I am just better able to answer the question.

Something that I have realized is that there are so many people out there that are dealing with similar issues. If I can help at lease one person out there maybe that will help me better understand why it happened to me. Maybe God had this all planned out. Maybe my purpose in life is to help others. Am I totally convinced this is why it happened? Nope. However it feels so good to not that maybe, just maybe I can help someone else. A counselor once told me that children who are abused seek out other abused children to be their friends. She went on to say that we have no idea that we are even doing it and may never realize our friends have similar problems. She said that this behavior (if that’s how you want to define it) carries over into adulthood. What she told me has stuck with me my entire life. Is it true? Absolutely!! Since elementary school I have surrounded myself with friends that are survivors of childhood abuse. Did I know they were survivors when I first became friends with them? Nope. It was only after many months’ even years that I figured it out.

A few years ago I sat down with a pen and piece of paper and wrote down all of my close (and not so close) childhood friends. Nine out of ten of them had been abused. I began to wonder is everyone abused as kids?? I don’t think so! It’s just this strange phenomenon per say that draws all of us survivors together. I have decided that I am going to tell my story in hopes that I can help others….even if it’s just one.

Dam-in

2009-10-07T09:34:00.004-05:00

The other day Alex was playing rock band and decided he would take a break from playing the drums and sing. I'm sure most of you know that the singing part on rock band is just like karaoke. The words appear on the t.v. for you to follow. Anyway I was outside doing something in the yard when he came bopping outside to tell me how good he did and then to ask me a question.

Alex: Mom what does "dam - in" mean?
Me: dam in? I have no idea what you are talking about.
Alex: It is a word on the song and I don't know what it means. You know mom "dam-in".
(I for the life of me cannot remember what the name of the song is that he was even singing. I'm sure it will come to me in the middle of the night.)

Hmmm I have no idea what he is talking about at this point. Dam in?? So I asked him to spell it for me.
Alex: It's spelled d.a.m.n
I immediately erupted in laughter which confused the heck out of him.
Alex: Why is "dam in" so funny?
Me: Well baby that's not "dam in" that is "damn". You know the not so nice word you aren't allowed to say?!
Then we both erupted in laughter. Light bulb goes on! He was like ohhhh!! Well I'll just keep saying "dam in" if that's ok. I sometimes forget just how confusing words can be and all of the rules that go along with them.

Now i'm wondering what other choice words are on that game that I haven't noticed. I'm going to really miss it when he gets older and these little innocent moments are non-existent. I need to do a post where I put down all of the words he used to mispronounce and all of the cute things he did as a baby so I don't forget them. Maybe I will start working on that really soon!!
Hope everyone has a great Wednesday!

Mom I wish I had friends

2009-09-10T14:22:00.003-05:00

This statement came out of Alex's mouth a couple of nights ago while we were laying in bed snuggling before bedtime. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I thought he had friends. Then I started to feel myself panic. You see when I was his age (it started about 3rd of 4th grade) I was the kid in the class that was picked on. You know the one that everyone makes fun of and laughs at on a daily basis?? Yep that was me. I HATED school. I had only one friend in 4th grade and I will never forget her. She was picked on as well so I thought she needed a friend. Her name was Becky. She was over weight, smelly and her clothes were always dirty. BUT she was an awesome friend!! Anyway back to Alex. I didn't want him to see my panic and fear (Thank God it was dark in his room) so I began to casually ask him questions about his friends or lack thereof. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: So

Not this month

2009-09-10T14:18:00.003-05:00

Well mother nature has paid it's monthly visit today. I am more than disappointed but not surprised. I really had no hope of a positive pregnancy test this month. Negative thoughts have consumed me lately. Maybe that's why I wasn't surprised this morning. Any old hoo all we can do is attempt to stay positive and try again for next month!!

Bitter Sweet

2009-09-02T01:42:00.004-05:00

Exactly two weeks ago today my sister in law gave birth to my beautiful niece Trinity. That day was bitter sweet for me. You see my sis in law and I found out we were pregnant around the same time. I took a test about a week before she did and they were one of the first people we called to tell. About a week later she called and said you are never going to believe this I just took a pregnancy test and it's positive! The squeals of excitement could be heard for miles away. We began talking about how much fun it was going to be being pregnant together and all of the things we were going to do. The next day her and her husband, who is my husbands brother, came over for dinner. We talked about the symptoms we were already having and ate more food than an army would have. As they were leaving we said our usual goodbyes, but this time everyone was so much more emotional. We were going to become mothers and aunts basically at the same time!
One week later she had her first doctors appointment and I began miscarrying. I began having cramps a few days earlier but I just refused to believe there was something wrong. It was on a Wednesday around noon and I was on my lunch break. I had gone to the park as usual and was just sitting in my car praying for the cramps to stop. It hurt so bad. My phone rang and it was my sister in law. She had gone to her first appointment and had called to tell me all about it. You no all of the first doctor appointment fun stuff like how far along she was and how fast the babies heart was beating. I just sat there and listened. I didn't want to ruin her excitement so I sat quietly as she told her me all of the details. Then she asked how I was doing and when I was going to the doctor. I said fine and in a few days. We said our goodbyes and I hung up and began crying. I knew my first appointment wasn't going to be like it should be. I sat a little longer in my car and then I headed off to run a few errands for my boss. By the time I got to my first stop I was in so much pain I could barely walk. I finally decided that I needed to find a restroom. I locked myself in the bathroom stall and sat down on the toilet and that's when my biggest fear was confirmed. There was blood everywhere. Of course I freaked out. To this day I don't no if I actually screamed out loud or not. I somehow managed to find my way out of the bathroom and building where I was then able to frantically call my husband. I don't remember much of our conversation. All I no is I managed to get out miscarriage and emergency room.
The rest is pretty much a blur. I no we waited for what seemed like forever in the ER. I no that I was in terrible pain. It felt like labor pains without the happy ending. I remember the exam and the doctor telling me what was happening. I remember looking at Steven and seeing pain and disappointment written all over his face. There really wasn't much to be done. I wasn't really that far along so the doctor said I more than likely wouldn't need a D&C. He said my body would "get rid" of everything naturally. Get rid of everything naturally? Seriously? Where did he get his bedside manner? Then I was given a piece of paper that explained what was happening to me. I think it was title something like "spontaneous abortion." Nice. Do these people not realize they are talking about my unborn child??? My baby that we were already dreaming about meeting??? I kept telling myself and Steven "well at least it happened now and not later when I was further along." Did I really feel that way? Nope. I just kept thinking if I say it out loud I will feel better. As the days and weeks passed, I kept asking myself am I aloud to mourn? I mean after all my baby was smaller than the size of a pea and I hadn't even got to hear the heartbeat. So was I really even considered pregnant? All of these thoughts were consuming my mind. On the outside I appeared fine, but on the inside I was a mess. To make matters worse every week I got the weekly update on my sister in laws pregnancy. How perfect everything was going and how excited they were. I felt resentful. Why did she get to keep her baby and I didn't? Then I would feel guilty for thinking that way. I mean what kind of person was I anyways? This was my sister in law and unborn niece we were talking about!! It was a no win situation. So I just started to distance myself. I felt like I had no choice.
So two weeks ago was very bitter sweet. When I got to hold my niece for the first time almost all of the bitter feelings went away. I was filled with joy and excitement. However I still felt a sense of lost and sadness. It made me wonder what would he/she have looked like? What would we have named him/her? What would the nursery have looked like? Which outfit would we have taken the baby home in? Do these thoughts ever go away?? They are on the backburner of my mind most days, but I still have my moments. I don't know if it will ever get any easier.....

I can't wait for college....

2009-09-01T14:22:00.003-05:00

The other night Alex and I were laying there snuggling in his room as we do every night. It has become our evening ritual to snuggle and talk for about 15 minutes before he goes to bed. It's my favorite part of the day!! You never know what is going to come out of his mouth considering he is trying desperately to figure out a way to keep from going to bed. So we are laying there snuggling and he says "Mom, I can't wait to go to college." I was so happy to hear those words come out of his mouth, but I didn't want to seem too happy. Sometimes if I seem to happy about stuff then he changes his mind! I told him I was excited for him to go to college and that he would have so much fun. I told him about my first year of college and my roommate. I talked about dorm life and how exciting it was.
He was quiet for a little bit and then he said "Mommy, do you know the only thing about college that i'm NOT going to like?"
I said "No baby what is that?"
He says "I won't be able to snuggle with you before bedtime anymore!"

My heart melted at that very moment. I went on to assure him things would be ok and that he could come home and visit me whenever he wanted. He doesn't realize that by the time he gets to be 18 he won't want to snuggle with his mom anymore. I'm not going to let him in on that little secret just yet! I'm going to enjoy these moments while they last!!!

Duggars expecting their 19th child!?

2009-09-01T12:51:00.002-05:00

Ok I'm just not too sure how to feel about this. 19 kids?? wtf? To each his/her own has always been my motto, but when do you draw the line? They seem like really good parents, but even the best parent in the world has their limits. How can they give each child individual attention like they need? There is no way they can meet all of their emotional needs. Oh and let's not forget they have sold out to reality television. I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if I was in their shoes, but now it seems more like a circus act. You can visit their family website here and see pictures of their VERY nice home. You will also see a display of pictures that show overly happy almost staged looking children. It just seems really weird to me. A little too perfect. Now let's talk finances. I am amazed at how expensive one child is let alone 19. How do they afford all of it? How do they afford that big beautiful home? You might say it's none of my business and you are probably right. I'm just curious how do they do it??? Maybe they could offer the rest of us who are struggling some tips?! On their website it tells of how the older children help with the younger children. Is that fair to the older kids? They are having to help raise babies? I think that after they probably got past 7 or 8 kids they figured out they could make ALOT of money by having more and that's how they ended up where they are today. What do you guys think?

Baby issues

2009-08-30T08:00:00.003-05:00

If anyone out there has any advice or information regarding infertility issues please feel free to contact me. I would love to hear from you! It is so nice to find people that have the same kind of stuff going on in their lives.
Wow it feels so great to be back in the swing of things and back to blogging!! I have really missed it!

A Sign

2009-08-29T08:00:00.001-05:00

It was about 9:00 p.m. and I had gone to the grocery store with Alex. We had navigated each aisle of the store making sure we didn't forget anything and by the time we reached the check out counter I was exhausted. So we checked out and headed out the door. I was in a hurry because a storm was headed right towards us and I wanted to make it home before it started pouring down rain. I walked through the automatic doors pushing the very heavy and awkward cart while Alex went thru the manual doorway. Their was an elderly lady walking behind me with her bags of groceries. I really wasn't paying much attention to her because I was trying to hustle Alex along. Next thing I hear is change falling to the ground so I looked over only to see that this poor little lady had dropped her change purse. ALL of her change had dumped onto the ground. I shouted out to Alex to wait on me and he came running over to see what was going on. He sees this lady struggling with her sacks of groceries while attempting to bend over to pick up the mess. So he decided he would be a little gentleman and go help her. He picked up every last piece of change and put it back into her purse and then handed it to her and said "here you go ma'am". She looked at him with such appreciation and then looked at me. (I'm thinking ok what alien just took over my kids body?!)
Our conversation went something like this:
She says "What did you say his name was?" At this moment I notice that she has tears in her eyes.
I said "His name is Alex."
She paused for a moment and then says "That was my husbands name." From the way she said it I am assuming that he just recently passed away.
Then she went on to say "Isn't this a sign from him or what?!"

She said thank you once again and we just smiled at each other and went on our way. I thanked Alex for helping her and made a huge deal out of his kindness. He asked me "Mom what did she mean isn't this a sign?" I said "Well her husband's name was Alex and I think he must have died recently. She must have felt that he was hear with her in spirit and was giving her a sign to let her know." He was satisfied with my answer and we carried on with our trip home. While I was driving I got to thinking about names. I don't no any elderly person with the name Alex. Then I got to thinking wow that really was a sign from her husband! It was one of the neatest experiences I have had in a long time. I can only hope that the nice lady at the grocery store found some comfort in knowing that her husband may not be here physically but he certainly hasn't left her all alone!

My Friday Rant!

2009-08-28T15:28:00.003-05:00

I work at a small law firm as a paralegal/everything else. Part of my job entails answering the phone. Most of the time answering the phone is no big deal and can actually be kind of fun. HOWEVER there are those calls out there that drive me crazy. It's the sneaky telemarketers. You know the one's that try to trick you into thinking they are maybe an actual client or even a personal friend of whomever they are calling??! Here is how my conversation went with one today:
Me: Law office (this is my standard way of answering the phone)
Sneaky guy: Hello! Is Joe Bob there?!
Me: No he's not in at the moment may I take a message?
Sneaky guy: Ya this is Ron! (sounding like he is Joe Bob's long lost best friend from grade school)
Me: Ok Ron what?
Sneaky guy: Ron
Me: (I'm getting annoyed at this point) Ok RON. Will Joe Bob no what it is regarding?
Sneaky guy: Ummm no actually this is my first time to call.
Me: Oh ok (I got kind of excited thinking he might have a new case) Do you have a new case or legal issue?
Sneaky guy: Ummm no.
Me: (I'm thinking should I just hang up or get his number??) What is your call back number (which is happened to be local. Even more sneaky)
Sneaky guy: 555-1234
Me: Ok is there anything else
Sneaky guy: oh yes, my extension....

Rite then I knew for sure what I had expected about 1 minute into the conversation that he a telemarketer. I really HATE dealing with them. I no they are just doing their job but it is still so damn annoying. I have even had one guy about a year ago call ME back yelling at me because I hung up on him. WTF??? Since when is it good business to call a potential customer back and yell at them??
Ugh! Anyways just needed a little blog therapy while i'm waiting on 5 o'clock to get here. Have a great weekend!

Infertility

2009-08-28T08:00:00.003-05:00

I have been really hesitant to post about this subject. I guess a part of me doesn't want to even say the word out loud. You no the dreaded thing called infertility. I haven't been told by a doctor that I can't have anymore children but I am obviously having trouble getting pregnant. My dh and I have been trying for over a year now and still no luck. Actually I did get pregnant awhile back but I had a miscarriage. Even though I wasn't that far along it was definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Not only was it physically painful it was also very emotional. I can't put into words how it made me feel. To look over at Steven's face when the doctor told me I was miscarrying and see the pain and hurt in his eyes was almost unbearable. Let alone the disappointment. However we made a pact with one another that we wouldn't let it get us down and that all we could do was keep trying. Well we have been trying ever since then with no luck at all. I am going to turn 33 in April and I really feel like my time is running out. It definitely isn't on my side. If you would have told me ten years ago that I would have this much trouble trying to have a second child I would have told you that you were c.r.a.z.y! I got pregnant by accident with Alex. It happened so quickly and obviously so easily. Best "accident" that has ever happened to me by the way! I look at other women when we are out in public with their small babies and I can't help but feel jealous. I feel angry that I'm not the one pushing a stroller and changing dirty diapers. I get angry when I over hear other mothers of small babies complaining about how hard it is and how tired they are. I would give anything to be in their shoes. Sometimes I find myself getting angry at God and asking him why? I no He has a plan for me and that may not include a second child. That makes me even more angry. It seems so unfair to me that there are people in this world that are blessed with children who don't deserve them. You know the people we read about in the news that abuse and murder their kids. Those people don't deserve to be parents in my opinion yet they are. Why is that?
Not only has it affected me and my husband it has also affected Alex. He wants to badly to have a baby brother or sister. He asks all of the time when he will get one. It breaks my heart to tell him I don't know. All I do no is that we are going to keep trying. We just have to take it one month at a time and hope that one month very soon that little test will say positive!!!

First day of School!

2009-08-27T11:20:00.003-05:00

I'm a little late on this post....like about a week late. Alex started 3rd grade on August 20th 2009! I can't believe my "baby" is in the third grade. It's unbelievable. This year he started a new school because his old elementary only went thru the 2nd grade. He was so excited and of course a little nervous. He couldn't wait to get dropped off. Of course it was raining so we didn't get to take many pictures. I decided that instead of just dropping him off I was going to walk him inside because we had no idea where his classroom was. They didn't give us the tour on enrollment night. He seemed ok with that idea as long as I didn't make a big scene i.e. lots of hugging, kissing, crying and picture taking. I told him I would "behave" myself and just walk "normal". Along the way I saw lots of other parents behaving "crazy like" as Alex puts it. One mom was taking pictures in the hallway another mom was crying and giving lots of kisses. I could see a look of relief on his face when I kept my word and didn't do anything embarrassing. We found his classroom without any problems and off he went without even a look back! He mumbled bye as he walked away and that was it. He is alot like me in new situations. He gets nervous and really quiet. So I fully expected not much of a goodbye from him. I made it out the front doors and then a few little tears started. They were both tears of happiness and sadness. I'm so happy that he loves school and that this year is going to bring many new adventures for us. On the other hand I'm so sad because time is just flying by. I just want to savor every moment! It seems just like yesterday I was walking him inside for his first day of Kindergarten!
All in all his first day went very well. When asked what he liked best about his first day it was without a doubt hands down the cafeteria. The cafeteria is huge compared to his old school plus they have a "real" salad bar with all of the fixings. He said they were also given larger portions and that the food was soooo much better. I'm sure it is the same food he ate last year prepared exactly the same way, but it's so much better because its new! I love to come home and hear about his day. I love that he still wants to tell me about his day. I feel so lucky to be his mom! I can't wait to see what this year brings us!

Grief is Sneaky

2009-08-27T09:33:00.002-05:00

I never know when grief is going to sneak up on me. Literally for weeks at a time I will feel fine then boom. Out of nowhere I'm crying. I don't really understand it. I mean don't get me wrong I miss my mom so much and think about her all of the time, but I'm not sitting around everyday crying. I've actually been doing really well. Now there are just moments of unbearable sadness. I may hear a song on the radio or hear a noise outside that reminds me of her. The other day on the way home from work I had to stop and get gas. I walked in to pay and immediately there was a strong odor of cigarette smoke and perfume. It was almost overwhelming. For those of you that don't know (which I'm sure MOST of you don't) my mother was a CHAIN smoker. She had smoked as long as I can remember. Literally she would be smoking a cigarette and have another one in her hand ready to light. Anyways, she always smelled like smoke and perfume. The smell in the gas station instantly took me back to my childhood. I looked over to see where the smell was coming from and saw a lady that was probably in her late 40's. She was lost and asking for directions and in her hand was a cigarette case. Another reminder of mom. She ALWAYS had a cigarette case in her hand or nearby. So as I stood behind this lady waiting to pay for my gas I was flooded with memories. They were all good memories. I love to remember but at the same time it makes me extremely sad. I miss her so much and just want to pick up the phone and call her. So the cigarette lady went on her way and I paid for my gas. As I started walking back to my car I felt the tears creeping up on me. As I started driving home it hit me like a ton of bricks. So for the next 20 minutes I cried and sobbed and prayed I wouldn't get pulled over or in a wreck. By the time I made it home I was fine. I actually felt really good. I guess I just needed a good cry! Grief is now my sneaky little friend that likes to visit when I'd rather not have company.

End of an Era

2009-03-23T11:19:00.002-05:00

My stepdad David passed away March 2, 2009. We all knew it was coming but it still doesn't make it any easier. Over the past few months after my mom died, David and I had grown closer. We talked at least once a week and had made plans for us to come visit again this summer. In the back of my mind I knew that David probably wouldn't be around for that visit, but I had hope. Hope that I would get to see him once again and go do all of the things we were planning. It is so strange to know that both y mom and David are gone. It is the end of an era of sorts. Their house will probably be put up for sale and everything that made the house special and unique will be gone. Even if we do visit it will never be the same. However, I am so glad that David is no longer suffering and that him and my mom are smiling down on me from Heaven. I am comforted in knowing that I will see them again one day...hopefully later than sooner.
On another note please pray for McMama and baby Stellan. Hope everyone has a great week!!

I'm back....

2009-01-26T09:25:00.005-06:00

Well I never really left. I have been keeping up with all of my favorite blogs. Reading them everyday religiously....I just haven't felt like posting anything on my own blog. These last few months have been kind of rough. Honestly I never expected the death of my mom to have affected me so much. You see I have been preparing myself for her death for a VERY long time. Over ten years. Her lifestyle was such that it just knew at any moment she could be gone. However when I finally got that dreaded phone call I wasn't prepared. I was devastated. I went through the motions of daily life. I drove to Florida and made arrangements for her body. I went through all of her things and loaded them into our truck. I even brought her dog home with us. Now her ashes sit in my bedroom and her things are stacked in a corner still in the boxes. I just can't bring myself to go through it yet. Her sweet little dog has adjusted to his new home. He will look at me sometimes with such sympathetic eyes. He is grieving too. My step dad, who we all figured would be the one to die first, is beside himself. I talked to him at least once a week to see how he's doing. He was given about a year to live just six months ago....so each day he wakes up to start another day is a blessing! He has such a positive attitude and says "oh what do those doctors know anyways!" He told me just last Sunday that as he lays in his hospital bed which is in the living room he looks out onto the Florida Room just waiting for my mom to shuffle through. He says he still hears Peetie (my mom's dog) walking through the house almost every night...that's impossible because Peetie is here. It breaks my heart that he is so lonely and sad. It also breaks my heart that when I saw him in November may very well have been the last time I will ever see him again.
I would also like to apologize to the lucky winners of my contests from the Blog Carnival. I have yet to get the gifts in the mail yet....HOWEVER I promise I will soon. I have not forgotten about you wonderful people who participated in my giveaways. Please forgive my tardiness!!
On a brighter side on things Alex is doing great! I praise God everyday for his health and thank God for giving him to me. He brightens my day and makes me laugh. I really don't know what I would do without him!! Well I am off to bed. I plan on posting more often from here on out!

Long time no post

2008-11-24T15:04:00.002-06:00

Wow it has been awhile since my last post! I really don't even feel like writing this at all. I can't seem to get motivated even a tiny little bit to write, but I have to. My mom died last Sunday, November 16, 2008. This past week I have drove to Florida (yes, 18 hours of straight driving time so about 24 by the time you make stops) and back to make funeral arrangements and go through her things. It is still very surreal. I feel like she is going to call me anytime now just to say hello.
Well guys this is about all I can muster up right now. I will be back in full force soon! Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

Wordless Wednesday!

2008-11-12T08:49:00.003-06:00

My hubby will probably die when he sees that I used this picture....I just couldn't resist!
This was taken at the "Spring" this past summer. The water if EXTREMELY cold...

Happy Wordless Wednesday!!

Crazy week...

2008-11-11T09:43:00.002-06:00

I just realized it's been almost a week since my last post. I didn't even participate in Not Me Monday, which happens to be one of my favorite things to do. It has just been the craziest week I haven't had time to hardly take a shower let alone blog. I plan on writing a long overdue post tonite! Oh and by the way if any of you out there who just happen to stop by and read this post know anything about the spirits/ghosts etc. (I promise I am not loosing it over here) please leave me a comment with a way to get ahold of you. Thanks!!! Happy Tuesday!!!

Wordless Wednesday!!

2008-11-05T07:00:00.000-06:00

Everyday is Halloween in our house!
Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Contests Update

2008-11-04T10:00:00.001-06:00

I have just listed all of the winners to last weeks contests. All winners were picked by a random number generator. Thanks to everyone who stopped by during the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival! It was so much fun and I can't wait till the next one. I am going to notify the winners today. Please claim your prize by Friday November 7th. If a prize goes unclaimed I will pick a new winner from the entries. I am contemplating doing a live giveaway as well. Ok I'm off to work....
Have a great day!

Friday Contest...a little early!

2008-11-04T09:50:00.000-06:00

UPDATE!
We have a winner! Congratulations to Coupon Mommie! Please take a little time to stop by and visit her blog. Thank you ALL for stopping by and entering my contest.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bloggy Giveaway Carnival has been so much fun! I am so glad I stumbled upon it. This will be my last giveaway for the week. I do plan on doing weekly contests even after the carnival is over so please come back to visit!
Here is the grand finale!
This Christian Benet matching watch and bracelet set is so beautiful!

The watch set comes in this cute jewelry box that has a mirror and small drawer.

Here you can see the small drawer at the bottom of the jewelry box.

Contest Rules:
1. Leave a comment for one entry into the contest. The comment can be about anything. Tell us about yourself, your family, your blog, etc. Please leave a way for me to contact you.
2. To gain a second entry click on the "Follow this Blog" link on the left so you can come back to visit! I will in turn visit your blog and follow you too! I love meeting new people out there in the blog world.
3. To gain a third entry post a little blurb about this contest on your blog and link back to this post. Please leave a comment letting me know you did this!
4. Have fun and good luck!!! This contest will end Sunday November 2nd, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. CST.
5. This contest is open to both U.S. and Canadian residents only. This contest is listed at http://www.donttryit.com/bloggy_giveaways/ for the bloggy giveaways quarterly carnival!

Thursday Contest!

2008-11-04T09:40:00.000-06:00

UPDATE!
The lucky winner of this great book is Brimfull Curiosities! Congratulations! Please take time to go visit her blog. Thank you to everyone who stopped by and entered my contest.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am having so much fun participating in the bloggy giveaway carnival!! There are so many great prizes please make sure you stop by and look at them all at the carnival.
Today's giveaway is this wonderful book of Fairy Tales, Nursery Rhymes & Nonsense Verse. This book has over 400 pages of great reading the whole family will enjoy!

Contest Rules:

1. Leave a comment for one entry into the contest. The comment can be about anything. Tell us about yourself, your family, your blog, etc.
2. To gain a second entry click on the "Follow this Blog" link on the left so you can come back to visit! I will in turn visit your blog and follow you too! I love meeting new people out there in the blog world.
3. To gain a third entry post a little blurb about this contest on your blog and link back to this post.
4. Have fun and good luck!!! This contest will end Sunday November 2nd, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. CST.
5. This contest is open to both U.S. and Canadian residents only.
This contest is listed at http://www.donttryit.com/bloggy_giveaways/ for the bloggy giveaways quarterly carnival!

Tuesday Contest!

2008-11-04T09:30:00.000-06:00

UPDATE!
We have a winner!!!!
Lydia at http://honesttogodjournal.blogspot.com/ is our lucky winner of this really cute picture frame! Thanks to everyone who entered. Please come back and visit us for more contests
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just love picture frames! This one in particular is so adorable and fun! We ended up getting two in the mail so I thought this would be a perfect giveaway for the Bloggy Giveaways Quarterly Carnival!

Contest Rules:
1. Leave a comment for one entry into the contest. The comment can be about anything. Tell us about yourself, your family, your blog, etc.

2. To gain one extra entry post a little blurb about this contest on your blog and link back to this post.

3. Tell others about this contest (not required) More entries=more fun!!

4. Have fun and good luck!!! This contest will end Sunday November 2nd, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. CST This contest is listed at http://www.donttryit.com/bloggy_giveaways/ for the bloggy giveaways quarterly carnival!

Wednesday Contest!!

2008-11-04T08:45:00.000-06:00

UPDATE!
Our winner is Mom of Four. Congrats! I used a random number generator to pick the winner. Thanks to everyone who entered!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's contest is following along with the sports theme. This wall decoration is just too cute. You are able to write on the board with chalk so it would be great to leave little messages on.

Contest Rules:

1. Leave a comment for one entry into the contest. The comment can be about anything. Tell us about yourself, your family, your blog, etc.

2. To gain one extra entry post a little blurb about this contest on your blog and link back to this post.
3. Have fun and good luck!!! This contest will end Sunday November 2nd, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. CST.

4. This contest is open to both U.S. and Canadian residents only.

This contest is listed at http://www.donttryit.com/bloggy_giveaways/ for the bloggy giveaways quarterly carnival!

Contests comments and other ramblings

2008-11-03T18:10:00.002-06:00

I have been EXTREMELY busy today. I am so sorry I haven't gotten my contest winners posted yet....I do however have the winners picked! I will get them up sometime this evening. I haven't even had time to go visit all my favorite blogs today and leave comments on my favorite Not Me Monday posts. I hate Mondays....
I will be back soon with more. Right now I have to go feed my hungry child and DH.

Not Me Monday!

2008-11-02T20:53:00.011-06:00

This week went fast didn't it?! That time again for Not Me Monday....my free weekly therapy!
1. I did not forget my entire list of things I didn't do all week only to sit here in front of the computer for an hour trying to remember them....they were really good I just can't remember them all!
2. I did not use the handicap bathroom at the casino and when I came walking out pretend to limp when someone else saw me. There were two other handicap stalls open, but I still always feel guilty.
3. I did not tell Alex it was time to go to bed because it was 10:30 pm Friday night when it was actually only 9:00 pm. I would never ever do this just because I wanted some peace and quiet. That would be selfish!
Well that's my list for the week! I KNOW there is more but I can't seem to get the cobwebs cleared out to remember them!! Happy Monday!
Make sure you stop by MckMama's site for more great Not Me Mondays!

Contest!!

2008-11-01T05:24:00.001-05:00

UPDATED:
We have a winner!! I would like to congratulate Kathy at Mom of Many! Please head on over to her blog and take a look! I would like to thank everyone who entered this contest. Wow it was amazing all of the wonderful comments you guys left! I enjoyed reading every single one of them. I am in the process of visiting every one's blog as well. I have really enjoyed reading about all of you guys! Please come back and visit!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time for another contest! I felt this prize was a good one to give away in dedication to Mr. Jingles! The following children's book is absolutely wonderful. We have all of these books (this one in particular we have two copies of. This book is brand new) and read them daily. Alex loves them and what's even better is so do I. So I bring you:
Skippyjon Jones......the Siamese Cat who thinks he is a Chihuahua!

Contest Rules:
1. Leave a comment for one entry into the contest. The comment can be about anything. Tell us about yourself, your family, your blog, etc.
2. To gain one extra entry post a little blurb about this contest on your blog and link back to this post.
3. Tell others about this contest (not required) More entries=more fun!!
4. Have fun and good luck!!!

This contest will end October 31st, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. CST
This contest is listed at http://www.donttryit.com/bloggy_giveaways/ for the bloggy giveaways quarterly carnival!
Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings!!

Prayer Warriors Needed!!!

2008-10-30T21:49:00.002-05:00

Prayer Warriors are needed for Stacie and her family. Please take the time to visit her blog and pray for this sweet family. I can't even begin to imagine the pain they are experiencing right now.

The New Neighbor

2008-10-30T20:12:00.000-05:00

If you happened to visit my blog and read my Not Me Monday post then you already know I have a new neighbor whom I happen to think is extremely hot. Ok guys, i'm married to a wonderful man who I love more than anything in the whole wide world and he is the hottest thing on earth, but I just so happen to like to look at pretty people. (By the way so does my husband...ya caught him checking out the cute girl who delivered our food at sonic just the other day) My motto is it's ok to look but if you touch then your hand is going to get chopped off! I am also 31 and going through a semi-mid life crisis. I have fat deposits in spots that I used to NEVER have and wrinkles that make me look like a scare crow. God forbid when the gray hair starts to arrive! Oh and did I mention that a "hot" night out on the town consists of McDonald's and whatever kid movie that's showing at our local theater? So you know for me to look at the hot neighbor well it makes me feel young again. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything but I think everyone feels this way sometimes? Don't they? Oh hell maybe it's just me....

When I say neighbor I mean it. He practically lives in my back yard. You see our house (which we currently rent) is connected by this little strip of stuff to his house. When I sit on my back porch I can see his bathroom....with no curtains. I DID NOT look....

He has only been our neighbor now for about a month. We have talked to him a handful of times and he comes across as a super nice person. However, I really don't want to talk to him much. I want him to remain the mysterious man I know nothing about. I think all of you know why. Have you ever met that "perfect" guy who just couldn't get any cuter?? Then he opened his mouth and you about puke because he was such an idiot?? I think everyone can relate to this.

So the other day my husband and I were pulling out of the driveway to take Alex to the Church fall festival when I noticed that Mr. Neighbor's dog had managed to break one of his bedroom windows. I was like oh wow I HAVE to go let him know so his dog doesn't get hurt....I obviously didn't think things through very well. I was just thinking oh boy I get to go say hi!!! It was only after I had knocked on his door (which of course he answered) that I realized I looked like this:

Yes....a blooming idiot.

I got to thinking today what if he or one of his friends/family members just happens to stumble upon my blog? If I can find a picture of him on the Internet in two minutes then it is possible for that to happen. How mortifying would that be? He would either be flattered or think i'm the crazy stalker lady that lives in very close proximity. More than likely he will think i'm crazy and go to our local police station and promptly file a protective order! Maybe I can blame it on old age, fat deposits and scare crow wrinkles?

Wordless Wednesday!

2008-10-29T07:47:00.005-05:00

I just so happened to stumble upon this picture of my ridiculously hot neighbor on the internet....am I borderline stalker? Maybe. I just couldn't figure out how to get a picture of him without just coming right out and asking. Timing just wasn't right. You can refer back to my Not Me Monday post if you are just now tuning in. (Oh and yes my dh does know I think he's a cutie and humors me)

Happy WW!

Tune back in tomorrow for a longer post about mystery man!

Awesome giveaway!

2008-10-27T20:31:00.001-05:00

Ok this has got to be one of the coolest giveaways I've seen to date! My son would absolutely love this....heck so would I. We LOVE to go on "secret" missions around this house and these night vision goggles would be so cool to have. If you want to enter to win head over to Deal Seeking Mom's blog http://www.dealseekingmom.com/

Not Me Monday!

2008-10-27T07:50:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it's already that time again! Here are all of the things I did NOT do this past week.

1. I did not try to staple the strap back together on my purse that broke. That would be kinda ghetto fabulous!
2. I was not too cheap to just go buy a new purse
3. I did not pretend to still be asleep Saturday morning so DH would get up and make breakfast for Alex
4. I did not play hookie from work....I did not tell my boss that Alex was sick.
5. I am not worried that he will find out!!
6. I do not think my new neighbor is ridiculously hot. I did not try to find every excuse in the world to knock on his door just so I could see him!
Please make sure to stop by MckMama's site (the original founder of Not Me Monday!) athttp://www.mycharmingkids.net/.
Happy Monday!!

Giftcard Giveaway!

2008-10-26T09:38:00.001-05:00

Please go visit http://www.kateedydconfetti.com/ for a great contest she is hosting! She is giving away a $25 gift card to amazon.com. Can't we all use that?!

I've been tagged!!

2008-10-25T16:54:00.014-05:00

I have been tagged by Melissa over at http://theyaremyeverything.blogspot.com/. Thank you Melissa!! I am suppose to list 7 random things about my kitchen which may be a challenge because it is so small. I mean extremely small, but i'm going to give it my best shot. So here we go!
1. This is my oven....my very SMALL oven. Seriously when we first looked at this house I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw how small it was. I have seen Easy Bake Ovens that are bigger! Oh and to make it even better when you pull the oven door open the whole freakin oven comes forward! We are just renting our home right now so I guess I have to deal with it for now. Let me just tell you I dream of big beautiful ovens all of the time!!

2. Here is my refrigerator, which seems to collect lots of art. I had a hard time getting this shot because the kitchen is ummm not very roomy.

3. Below is a picture of the shelving that is above our tiny stove. I actually love this little cubby hole! We have turned it into our spice/whatever else we use all of the time rack.

4. I happen to really like this decorative thing (I don't know what it is!).

5. My husband planted this out of a seed packet he bought at Wal Mart...I have no idea what it is called. Anyway as you can see it is starting to climb up wall and will soon take over.

6. This is our lovely door bell....that's pretty much all I have to say about that!

7. Last but certainly not least here is my kitchen. Yes, I no I need to put up my dishes and wash the dirty one's but we had just got done with lunch and of course blogging was more important!!

Well there you are guys that is pretty much my entire kitchen in a nutshell!

I am tagging!

Katee at http://www.mommiesmarbles.com/

Sex Diaries of a Mom http://www.mommiesmarbles.com/

Beth at http://endeanmom1.blogspot.com/

R.I.P Mr. Jingles

2008-10-23T20:59:00.004-05:00

I am sad to say our cat Mr. Jingles is now in kitty heaven. Mr. Jingles has only been a part of our family now for a couple of months, but he will be missed dearly. What an emotional evening it has been. Let me go back in time to Monday at about 11:30 p.m. Mr. S and I are sitting inside when all of a sudden we hear our cat making this horrible sound. We figured he was getting into a fight with a fellow neighborhood cat so we run out to intervene. We couldn't have been more wrong as to what was going on. We just so happen to live next door to people who own a pit bull. Now nothing against people out there who own pit bulls, but I just so happen to really dislike them. However our neighbors dog is not so bad. He just happens to HATE cats. Somehow our cat ended up in their yard. Big misake. Now why Mr. Jingles went into their yard I have no idea. He definitely knew better. Maybe he got confused or maybe he was just curious. Our neighbor was able to get his dog off of our cat before he tore him to tiny shreds, but damage was done. We brought Mr. Jingles inside to survey the damage. I don't know what was more sad the cats injuries or our precious little weenie dog Hammie. Hammie was so upset. From the moment we walked in the door with the cat Hammie was hysterical. He was barking and crying and running in circles. This went on for the next three hours. Yes I said THREE hours. He finally stopped crying around 2:30 a.m. and fell asleep out of pure exhaustion. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. Mr. Jingles was doing ok for the most part. His right back leg was obviously broken and we weren't sure if he might have internal bleeding. We decided that the next morning my husband would take him to our vet on the way to work. So the following morning I anxiously ran into the bathroom to see how Mr. Jingles was doing (all the while praying he was still alive) and found a very tired but ALIVE cat. Mr. S ended up going to work for a little bit because the vet wasn't open. Now how the next events transpired i'm not too sure. All I know is somehow the cat got loose and ran off. How in the world does a cat who can barely walk run away? We still have no idea. Mr. S looks all day for the cat but has no luck. As soon as I got off work we started our search party.....we even brought Hammie along hoping he could find him with his great sniffer. Still no luck. It started to get dark so we decided to head home. We all pretty much figured that the cat had wondered off to die somewhere (we still were not sure if he had internal bleeding). Okay so that was Tuesday and it is now Thursday. In between now and then a cold front has moved in and it has been raining pretty much non stop. Around 1:00 p.m. today my husband calls me and says "I found the cat and he's ALIVE!" What? Where? When? How? WTF? I couldn't believe it! Mr. Jingles had managed to walk/drag himself into the cow pasture (yes there were several cows walking around him....one even walked up and smelled him) next to where my husband works. His back leg was really swollen and the poor thing looked like he had been to hell and back but he was ALIVE. What a will to live he had. I really was willing to do anything to give this cat a shot at life. He obviously wanted to live. So off to the vet we go! The vet was really surprised he had made it this long and an even bigger surprise was he had no fever and obviously no internal bleeding just a broken leg. It was really infected though and the break was so bad it couldn't be reset. She told us his leg would have to be amputated for any hope of survival. She felt though that he had a good chance and that cats lived all of the time with three legs. Ok great lets do it! I mean I knew it would be expensive, but I really was willing to do anything. Here's the kicker....they had to have the money tonite right then and there before they would do anything. Not next week when we got paid. Not even in the morning. Oh and did I mention it was $750. Oh yea we have that just sitting around. I can't tell you how much frustration I felt at that moment in time. I wanted to scream and cry and throw things. I wanted to rip her stupid head off. I even offered to give her my cat if she would just save it. Just SAVE my very ALIVE cat who had just made it 2 days out in the cold rain with basically his two front legs working. Then to make things worse Alex started to sob. I'm really angry now. Then I start crying hysterically because my baby is crying. I'm thinking why can't you just give us until the morning to find the money? Of course by this time it's already too late to go to another vets office. We could have left and taken the cat home, but the poor thing was in so much pain it just wouldn't have been right to do. Plus there is no guarantee we would have been able to come up with that kind of money in 12 hours. Plus there was not even a guarantee that the surgery would have worked. The vet was concerned that the infection might have spread throughout his body and his organs might be shutting down. I personally think she was just telling me this to make me feel better about having to put my very much ALIVE cat to sleep. To sleep is just what we had to do. I don't feel better knowing he is "out of his misery." I feel like total dog shit. I'm pissed that today I had to make a decision that made my child(hell my whole family) so sad and hurt so bad just because I didn't have enough money. Money money money. That is all it is about. There is no compassion. None. (My logic tells me the vet has to make money and can't just do work on the hopes that a person will pay) HOWEVER i'm not very logical right now! I'm angry, sad, frustrated and tired.
I stayed with Mr. Jingles while they put him down and Alex waited in the waiting room with dad. Then we headed to the shop where Mr. S works and buried him near that cow pasture. R.I.P Mr. Jingles....I know he is now free and running with all four legs in Kitty Heaven.

Puke puke go away and never come again!!

2008-10-23T11:01:00.006-05:00

My poor little guy is sick today. I got the dreaded call from the school this morning after I had been at work maybe 45 minutes. This is how it went....
Nurse: Hello is this Andrea?
Me: Yes, this is she
Nurse: I was just calling to let you know Alex has thrown up at school
Me: Oh no is he ok? (I'm thinking damnit why couldn't it of happened before I drove all the way to work?!)
Nurse: He's ok for now. I asked him what he had for breakfast and he said he only drank milk because his stomach hurt.
Me: Yes he said it hurt this morning, but I thought maybe he was just trying to get out of going to school (He's been known to do this)
Nurse: Well then I asked him what he had for dinner last night.....his answer was projectile vomit.
Me: Oh wow...i'm on my way(all the while i'm having to hide my fits of laughter that he had exorcist style vomit all over the school nurse!)

So now i'm at work with a sick child and all I really want to do is take him home. I hate having to bring him to work with me while he is sick. I no he hates it too. He wants nothing more than to just be in the comfort of his own home laying on the couch with mom snuggling. Ok snap back to reality. I HAVE to work otherwise I run the risk of losing my job. The entire car ride back to work I was thinking how can I be a SAHM and still make money? I'm not sure what the answer to that question is but I have to figure it out. I am so tired of missing out on things with my child to come to a job that I really don't like. I am tired of missing out on field trips at school, picking up my child everyday and the list could go on all day. So my new mission is to try to figure out a way to stay at home and make a little money too. I will let you know when and if I get it figured out!
So for now i'm just praying that the little stomach virus doesn't visit too long and that it doesn't spread throughout the entire family!

Contest Winner!!

2008-10-23T08:47:00.003-05:00

I would like to give a big congrats to the Prachar family for winning the Thursday Contest!! Please take a minute to visit her blog http://pracharfamily.blogspot.com/. Even though only one person entered the contest it was still alot of fun! I had so much fun with it I have decided to keep doing them every once in awhile!

Wordless Wednesday!

2008-10-22T00:00:00.001-05:00

What a difference a few years make!!

Peek A Boo!!

I'm going to get you!!

All grown up! 2nd grade school picture.

Please go by and visit http://www.momdot.com for more great Wordless Wednesday posts!!